Worst Jokes Ever
My 1 year old nephew had a stroke. I know, sounds bad... but he would have needed to learn how to speak and walk anyways.
Yesterday I wanted to look up the term "procrastination".
I swear, I'll do it tomorrow.
My Grandmother died last month. The thing that bugs me to this day, I couldn't understand her last words... through the pillow.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent!
What did the dentist say when he looks into a patient's mouth?
"I C D K"
You know what I see?
DICK
Dad joke time:
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake.
"Daddy, what are those two things on mum’s chest?" asked Tom. "Those are just... balloons," said dad.
(Later)
"Dad! I think mum’s dying!" said Tom. "Why?" asked dad. "Because uncles are blowing her balloons, and she said, ‘Oh god, I'm cumming!’"
Why do orphans only have iPhone XR?
Because they don't have home buttons.
Why do American guns only have 30 rounds?
Because it's the average class size.
The judge asked Bill Cosby for his defense. He used feminist talking points and said "My body, my choice" and "It's my right to privacy." The judge, being impartial, let Cosby go.
I would make a rape joke, but I'd have to force it down your throat.
Whenever I make a 9/11 joke, it bombs.
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and the Leaning Tower of Pisa?
The Leaning Tower of Pisa has good reflexes.
There are 10 million million million million million million million million particles in da universe that we can observe.
Yo mama took the ugly ones and put them into one nerd.
What is an emo's least favorite game? Fruit Ninja.
How does a depressed couple say goodbye on the phone?
"No, you hang yourself first..."
My dad was in the plane in 9/11, and he was the smart one that convinced everyone. He said, "We're fucked."
Why did the rape victim stop eating pears?
Because she was told that if you rearrange the letters "PEAR," it spells "rape."
What do you do when you are angry with an orphan? Hit them.
It's not like they can tell their parents.
Chuck Norris can drift with a horse.