Need jokes

One time a kid came to the hospital and said, "I really need help." The kid said he was really hot, so they put an ice cold towel on him.

Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems, and he said, "Yes, I am really hot." The doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said, "Are you sure? You look amazing." And the kid said that he meant to say, "I look hot!"

Why did the man walk into a bar?

Because he just broke up and he needs alcohol, you dummy!

A no legged manager runs the nearest pizza place called Your Pizza Is A Joke.

I (J0K35) worked there and this happened...

Manager: WHY ARE THE PINEAPPLES IN THE TRASH?

Me: Because nobody eats fucking pineapple pizza.

Manager: THAT'S IT! I'M KICKING YOU OUT OF THIS PLACE!

Me: You can't kick me out.

Manager: Why not? Huh?

Me: Because you need legs to kick, and you don't have any.

HEY! You guys need to S T O P making Stephen Hawking jokes. He has done so much for the theoretical physics world, and THIS is how you choose to repay him? All 653 of you should be ashamed of yourselves.

I despise lumberjacks. They are always barking up the wrong tree, all bark and no bite.

They just need to leaf people alone or stick with something nicer.

I really need jokes for my Atom bookmark project :3

Yo mama so fat, when she got on the scale it said, “I need your weight, not your phone number.”

Why are orphans so gay?

They need to be more gay!

I'm black, and I have a dying family in my basement that hasn't eaten in 2 weeks. They need help.

Btw, it's a joke lol.

Why can’t an orphan take medicine?

They need parental supervision.

Your mother is so fat, she doesn’t need...

Roses are red, I am very cool, You, on the other hand, Need to drown yourself in a pool.

One man said, "Do you need 20 bucks?"

The other said, "Do you have that many?"

Your momma is so fat, she doesn't need Wi-Fi, she is already worldwide!

A lady comes into the boys' bathroom and a boy sees her.

"This is not a girls' bathroom," he says.

She answers, "I don’t care," she says, "I NEED TO PEE!"

My sister said, "LET'S GO TO PIZZA!" So, I went to the pizza shop with her and she replied, "We really only needed the car?"

The village people said that they need their idiot back; you better get going!

Wanna hear a joke? You need some milk.

Yo mama is so fat we need to use yo papa!

Stranger: Do you need hair regrowth products?

Kid: No, my hairline is just far back.

Stranger: Do you need a doctor?