Need jokes
Son, why do I not have an Easter basket?
Mom, you're 23, you don't need one. Ends calls, child support.
Roses are red, eggs come in a dozen, do I need to revive Hitler to teach you how to use a goddamn oven?
Australia needs YOUR help!
ISIS brides are coming to Australia! They need to go back to where they came from. Help us before they blow us up like the terrorists they are!
Why can orphans not go on field trips? They need a parent signature.
What is a Mexican's favorite sport??
Cross country because they don't need to be in America. Mexico was made for them.
Why can't an orphan go to college?
He needs a parent signature.
Why is it so hard to make a party on Earth?
Because you need to planet.
I was laughing my ass off when the 12-year-old child realized the door to my basement was unlocked, and he didn't need to cannibalize his two friends in a desperate attempt for survival. 🤣🤣🤣
Yo mama is so fat, she doesn't need internet, she's already WORLDWIDE.
What is the most popular game at the orphanage?
Need For Speed: Most Wanted.
Father: I’m taking your toys to the orphanage.
Child: But why?
Father: So you won’t be bored. You’re going to need them there.
Guy: Do you know how to draw women's rights?
Girl: No, how?
Guy: All you need is a blank paper, and that's it.
Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: Doctor, when should I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you!
I don't need to go to the car dealership when I have a Geico scanner on my arm at all times. 😏
I: "Get a boomerang."
Type: "Why?"
Me: "Because for frisbee, you need friends."
All you need is a razor blade in life.
I can do a very good Michael Jackson impersonation. I just need a kid who can keep a secret.
A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull.
The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram."
She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable."
Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?" The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"
I told myself I needed to stop drinking so much. But I'm not about to start listening to some drunk weirdo who talks to themself.
A guy gives labor to a baby girl and a boy twins. The doctor said but the lady was like,
"Ugh, why do I need my husband to be in labor and I want a girl, not a boy, just a girl!"
The lady passed out 😵 and then found out she was in a coma. The man who was in labor died. The two babies got a nanny, an evil one. The nanny killed the babies on their first birthday.