Need jokes

I can do a very good Michael Jackson impersonation. I just need a kid who can keep a secret.

What is the most popular game at the orphanage?

Need For Speed: Most Wanted.

doctor: you need to eat healthy.

me: no.

doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.

me: oh my goodness.

doctor: in a plane crash.

me: that sounds unrelated.

doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!

Chuck Norris doesn't need to be vaccinated. Vaccines need to be Chuck Norrised.

How is baseball like cake?

They both need batters.

Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with you parents soon." He said, "My parents died." I said, "I know...." I went for the cliffs.

My girlfriend is like treasure to me.

You need a shovel to find her.

The world exploded, so now I need to visit Uranus.

What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?

Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.

What's the worst part about hearing a special needs kid getting hit by a car?

Having to listen to the wheelchair scraping for a mile and a half.

Why do orphans play GTA? Cause they wanna feel wanted.

I have an orphan joke, but it needs parental guidance.

Guys, we need to stop making jokes about orphans. Their parents might get upset. Oh, wait... never mind.

Who needs April 1st if your whole life is already a lie?

Official Dj Penaldo playlist.

1. "I'm a fraud" 2. "I need you (ft. Tap-ins)" 3. "I Want to Leave Mid United" 4. "Back where I belong (ft. Europa league)" 5. "TY Eder" 6. "Nobody wants me (Rejectnaldo Remix)" 7. "Fuck that kid (ft. Lil Broke phone)" 8. "Sewy (Benched +arms crossed version)"

I: "Get a boomerang."

Type: "Why?"

Me: "Because for frisbee, you need friends."

Joker gives Batman a phone.

Thomas: "Uhh, son, we need to talk... about the uhh, dressing up."

Martha: "Hello dearie, Brucie, is it ok if you visit me when you go to Joker's house?"

Son: Dad, I think I got a girl pregnant.

Dad: Well, is she already part of the family?

Son: Yes, why?

Dad: Then there’s no need to be worried.

What do you get when you cross a bisexual male that is a catholic priest and a christian police officer that is a bisexual male and a born again homophobic heteroflexable male that is a christian nationalist who is in the closet a gay man that needs to be force out of the closet by any means necessary?

Yo mama is so fat that when she walks, she causes earthquakes. She is so big that she has her own zip code and gravity field. She is so heavy that she needs a crane to get out of bed. She is so obese that she can't fit in any clothes, except for a circus tent. She is so large that she blocks the sun and causes eclipses.