Need jokes

I can do a very good Michael Jackson impersonation. I just need a kid who can keep a secret.

What bird doesn’t need a comb?

Bald eagles.

doctor: you need to eat healthy.

me: no.

doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.

me: oh my goodness.

doctor: in a plane crash.

me: that sounds unrelated.

doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!

What is the most popular game at the orphanage?

Need For Speed: Most Wanted.

Chuck Norris doesn't need to be vaccinated. Vaccines need to be Chuck Norrised.

How is baseball like cake?

They both need batters.

Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with you parents soon." He said, "My parents died." I said, "I know...." I went for the cliffs.

The world exploded, so now I need to visit Uranus.

My girlfriend is like treasure to me.

You need a shovel to find her.

The reason why Trailer Park Boys is set in Nova Scotia and not Alabama is because if it was set in Alabama, then they would have to record every instance of incest. And the show's writers would need to know how to cram all of it in one season.

What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?

Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.

What's the worst part about hearing a special needs kid getting hit by a car?

Having to listen to the wheelchair scraping for a mile and a half.

Why do orphans play GTA? Cause they wanna feel wanted.

I have an orphan joke, but it needs parental guidance.

Official Dj Penaldo playlist.

1. "I'm a fraud" 2. "I need you (ft. Tap-ins)" 3. "I Want to Leave Mid United" 4. "Back where I belong (ft. Europa league)" 5. "TY Eder" 6. "Nobody wants me (Rejectnaldo Remix)" 7. "Fuck that kid (ft. Lil Broke phone)" 8. "Sewy (Benched +arms crossed version)"

Who needs April 1st if your whole life is already a lie?

Joker gives Batman a phone.

Thomas: "Uhh, son, we need to talk... about the uhh, dressing up."

Martha: "Hello dearie, Brucie, is it ok if you visit me when you go to Joker's house?"

Guys, we need to stop making jokes about orphans. Their parents might get upset. Oh, wait... never mind.

A friend called me a while back saying, "I have COVID.... I can't breathe, I really have a hard time breathing."

I reply saying, "Dude, you need to work on your George Floyd jokes."

What do you get when you cross a bisexual male that is a catholic priest and a christian police officer that is a bisexual male and a born again homophobic heteroflexable male that is a christian nationalist who is in the closet a gay man that needs to be force out of the closet by any means necessary?