Need jokes

Son, why do I not have an Easter basket?

Mom, you're 23, you don't need one. Ends calls, child support.

Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.

If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.

I can do a very good Michael Jackson impersonation. I just need a kid who can keep a secret.

What do you call an idiot who needs to get a life?

The Stigg.

I need to fuck an emo girl... those bitches are limited edition!

ROBERT LEWANDISNEY SONG

Give me freedom. Give me fire. Give me contract, Or I retire.

Jog all day, Out of UCL now. FC Barcelona, I need you now.

Villarreal defenders, They surround me. Big submarines, All around me.

I get upset. Call my agent. I want money. I’m impatient.

Hey guys, so we have a friend group and we need followers and people! So far it's me and Royal. If you want to join just comment why and you're in unless people have reasons to not want you!

Why do girls wear classic rock T-shirts? Because they are stupid little bitches who need to grow some fashion sense because wearing old shit doesn't make you unique.

America: "WE NEED MORE AMMO!"

Japan: "We are the ammo."

Why does the orphan go to church? He needs someone to call father.

A man goes to a doctor and says he's having problems shitting, so the doctor gives him an enema and says he needs to do it a few times at home, but does the first one for him. So the guy bends over the table, lubes him up, and shoves it deep in him, and he yells.

So later, the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enema. So he bends over, she lubes him up, puts a hand on his shoulder, and she shoves it up there, and he starts screaming and cussing, and the wife asks, "Did I hurt you?" He said, "No, I just realized when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders."

I’m sorry, Chairy, but I don’t need four more legs.

New Gen iPhones are designed for orphans, because they don’t need a home button.

Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with you parents soon." He said, "My parents died." I said, "I know...." I went for the cliffs.

Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with your parents soon." He said my parents died. I said I know.

I don't need to go to the car dealership when I have a Geico scanner on my arm at all times. 😏

I wonder if Stephen Hawking was an organ donor because I need new parts for my go-kart.

I wonder if Stephen Hawking was an organ donor, because I need new parts for my go-kart.

What stands on the side of the road and needs a lot of money to buy?

Billboard, did you think I was gonna say street walker?

Hello, This is Jimmy from Jimmy's Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic! Your next loss is our next sauce! How many pizzas do you need?