My jokes

My newly wed wife is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.

The highest praise my wife gave to me was when she told me, "The best feminine attribute on your body as a woman would be your p🍆nis." 🥰

My roasts aren't funny. At least this shit gets me money.

They say the polar ice caps are melting, good, because my wife's a fat, cold bitch.

I was doing a 10km run with my good friend Pessi. As we were setting up our smart watches, the watch voice asked us if we wanted to do a solo run or a group run.

Pessi proceeded to smash both our watches and shout, “I don’t want solo run, I want Penalty!”

Shame on you, Pessi!

I was listening to some Drake in class.

My teacher shouted to turn it off. She then exclaimed that "Drake is mid and his music is very Pessi!" I didn’t understand the meaning until I checked the dictionary and realised it is a synonym for overrated.

I went fishing while watching porn, and my girlfriend said, "Well, you want my fish?" and I said, "But you're not in the water."

Your so fat, my sister said. I said, "So at least I ain't fatter than your momma."

Guys stop before I tell my parents!

Yo mama so dumb, when I told her my friend was mute she said, “Can't you unmute her?”

The day I saw people asking Lebron James whether he liked to play basketball, my thoughts be like: wait, so Lebron James is gay cuz he likes to play with them balls.

Who wants a picture of my pp?

Hi, my name is Moo, what is your name? Moo.

Okay so not a joke but like- There's a fucking noose in my school gym.

AUGH, oh sorry, I just got a third ball because of girls hitting my balls with a handball!

"I’m going through a lot of things right now," I said frustratedly to the person on the line as I crashed straight through the next building in my car.

My mom left me at a very young age.

Who dislikes my freestyle?

What’s the difference between the milk and drugs?

My dad brought the drugs back, not the milk though! 😭

I just want to say good morning to Gwen and everyone on this site. Have a nice day.

What if it's okay if someone can see my blue jokes, hello, bully, love, crazy, and Ariana jokes? Thanks!