My jokes

My friend's life.

I will give you a nickel if you tickle my nickel pickle, Rick.

Friend: My girls are like boomerangs; they always come back.

Me: Mine DON'T :(

I fucked the shit outta of my friend's mom with my 8 inch dick (Adrian). PS. Sorry, Adrian!

My friend lives in a caravan park. His parents named him Money because they thought it was a type of currency.

One day I was at school, and this girl had the nerve. She told me to go to the back of the line. I was looking behind me, and she said, "What are you looking for?" I said, "To who [are] you talking to, boo boo?" Like, is you you my momma?

Once Roblox popped up in my server, be like, "Roblox, what are you doing?"

Me: "What the heck?" Me: "How did I get in your server?"

Roblox: "You've been banned for just cheating!"

My friend's dad died during 9/11. He was such a good pilot, but my friend kept disturbing him, so when his dad died, he said, "It was you who killed me" (to the child).

So the child said, "Yoo-hoo? What type of name is Yoo-hoo, but Yoo-hoo, Yoo-hoo come here, I need to kill you NOW."

POV: An Asian kidnapper kidnapped an Asian kid, and the kidnapper called the kid's mom. Then the mom said, "No, it's fine, my kid got a B, he failed." And the kidnapper let him go saying he doesn't need a failure.

My friend called me fat, so I challenged him to a running race.

I told my wife I needed a blood transfusion when I could not remember. She said, "Be positive too."

Bad, I am now a ghost writing this.

I still to this day remember my grandpa's last words.

"I'M ALLERGIC TO FUCKING CATS!"

Me: Hi Kallen.

Kallen: Hi.

Me: You're too big to fit in my car.

Yesterday, I saw an advert with a random woman dancing, and someone said that they were beautiful.

And then I said, "Except the fat people." And then I got sent to my room for saying that.

Once I was riding my bike and saw a $5. I jumped off and died.

I took my girlfriend to the beach and a marine biologist thought she was a beluga whale!

Can someone be my daddy?

I spy with my little eye something starting with, actually I have TWO normal eyes.

One dog said to the other dog, "Man, it is hard sleeping on the floor."

The other said, "Really? I like my bed."

The person next to me on my flight was shocked when they found out I was Arabian. I lagged so hard my gerber almost fell out of my pocket.