My jokes
Doctor, can I please have a new butt? My old one has a hole and a crack in it.
My wife found a rock and asked if it was expensive, and I said it "leavarite". She said, "Is that expensive?" and I told her, "Leave it right there."
Why can't an orphan suck my nut?
A girl can, one knows how.
I left Twitter for a while, and when I tried to log back in, I found out I was suspended. I realized it was a penalty for saying some prohibited words on Twitter.
Sadly, my idol Pristiano Penaldo took the penalty for me and he missed, and now I'm on my alt. Shame on you, Penaldo!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
My I.
May I who?
May I put this pussy on your mouth?
My wife's always nagging me. "You don't let me have any friends, I abuse her, and I'm always coming back late." So I thought I would treat her. I popped up in the attic and introduced her to two women.
What did I say to my friend, "Job, your new name is Jojo Siva?"
Me: I call my girl Cinderella.
Friend: Why?
Me: Because she loves balls.
A bird was on a branch at school today. I turn away to talk to my friends, and another bird was there when I turned around. I turn around again, and the birds are having fucking sex!!!
What the fuck.
Now I've seen everything.
So you decide one day to ask your son if he wants to f**k, do you do it for 3 hours, then you realize how will I explain another pregnancy to my sterile husband?
Me: Hey, have you seen my butt?
Him: No, have you seen where it is?
Me: Maybe here on your private part hehe.
Him: *dumps my head on the toilet* HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR ASS NOW, PERVERT?
Why is my butt wet? I forgot.
Yo forehead is so freaking big, but not bigger than my BBC. 😏
Here's some of my weird jokes:
What are rhinos? They're unicorns that let themselves go.
Joke # 2: Why do triangles try every angle of its house? Because it's in its name.
Joke # 3: Wanna hear a cheesy joke? Sorry, the mouse got to the cheese first.
My kids [are] so damn bad[.] We took them to Disney in Florida. They paid me not to bring them back ever.
You see, my son is very into astronomy.
Son: How do stars die?
Dad: Usually overdose, son.
I'm such an asshole to my son, my wife divorced me.
Follow my Twitch: fifa_king1122
My friend Arid asked me what I did over the weekend. I told him, "I read."
Get it? I read? No... ok.
A Chinese drug dealer said to me, "Do you like my cocaine?"
I replied, "Not since he starred in Zulu."
Why did Kristen Stewart fart on the set of Charlie's Angels? Because she ate too much damn chili for breakfast I made for her. I just forgot to put my foot in it.