My jokes
So I walked into my bathroom to clean some stuff, and no one ever told me you can't put phones in the bathtub!
Stop making jokes about 9/11, my dad died in 9/11.
BEST PILOT OF SOUTHERN ARABIA
ALAKBAR
I wish the grass in my yard was emo. It could just cut itself.
What did the earthquake say when it was done? Sorry, my fault!
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.
We say “Father, I have sinned,” because it would be weird if we said, “Daddy, I have sinned,” right?
“Forgive me, Daddy, for my transgressions!” We say the “Our Father,” not the “Our Daddy.”
What has 182 teeth and holds back a monster?
My zipper.
My manager told me to have a good day. So I didn't go into work.
I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor.
My father always used to say:
"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger."
Until the accident.
Why doesn’t my bully get a dad joke? Oh, ya, ummm...
Why is my pee green? Because, "NEIN, ITCH BIEN FIRST REICH!"
My hairline may be straight, but I’m not.
What's the difference between me and you?
I leave white stains in your mom's bed, and you leave white stains in my mom's bed!
Roses are red, My cat try to kill your next >:)
My pp was in the Guinness World Record book.
The librarian then asked me to take it out.
Q: What did the Jewish person say when he beat me in a race?
A: Eat my dust.
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My dad told me "No electronics at the table," so I unplugged my grandma's life support.
My cousin really loves baseball.
He always brags about how many home runs he hit in the minors.