My jokes

Teacher: Everyone, tomorrow is bring your mom to school day.

Me: Sorry but my mom's not gonna make it.

Teacher: Why?

Me: I'm an orphan, bitch.

My teacher: Oliver will be transitioning.

Me: tRaNsItIoNiNg!!!!

My teacher: He will be transitioning from primary school to secondary school.

Me: I thought you meant another transitioning...

There was a new kid in my school. The first thing the teacher said was, "Me, you, the basement NOW!"

I go 7u7. I said I go 7u7. Get Rick and rolled, my son.

I like my COVID like I like my women: 19 and easy to spread.

My sister said I'm stupid and I'm a baby, and I said, "Oh, I didn't know we were talking about you."

My wife called me ugly, and then when she found out how much money I actually make, she called me ugly and broke.

Me in my dream: What a good day! *rumble* Ooh! What was that?

I wake up and I find myself on the floor.

My sister beat me in a race. She gave me a raspberry. I was bitter.

My sister said, "LET'S GO TO PIZZA!" So, I went to the pizza shop with her and she replied, "We really only needed the car?"

I can't wait to have 2020 in my hindsight.

The exam is knocking at my door... so I ran away from the window.

My dog got stuck in my ass, help!

What did the 90s rocker Space Engineer in multiplayer Miner yell at the Troll stealing his stuff?

"Hey! give me my Nickelback!"

I like my women like I like my diving pool:

Deep and wet.

"That's not my age; it's just not true.

My heart is young; the time just flew.

I'm staring at this strange old face, and someone else is in my space."

Hey girl, are you a wizard? Because you cast lit in my Final Fantasy!

My dad left me.

How many hookers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.

What’s the difference between a 5.7l v8 and a dead baby?

If you lift the hood on my car, you won’t find a 5.7l v8.