My jokes

How many hookers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.

How do you call a cop?

Through the phone.

(My puns are bad)

What did the 90s rocker Space Engineer in multiplayer Miner yell at the Troll stealing his stuff?

"Hey! give me my Nickelback!"

I like my women like I like my diving pool:

Deep and wet.

Who wants to hear the biggest joke ever?

My life.

I told my doctor I ate a bunch of bananas. It wasn’t a very a-peeling experience.

I know that my jokes are never punny but...

Want to hear a joke? My life.

I put my fish on a leash so I could teach him to walk. Then I took him out for a walk. Then, when I put him back in the tank, he stopped moving.

I will always remember my dad's last words...

Oh wait, I've never heard them.

My dog got stuck in my ass, help!

I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger before my eyes.

Then it hit me.

I really need jokes for my Atom bookmark project :3

I was on a plane and my mom said, "It's just a little turbulence."

And I said, "Mom, we just got on the runway!"

I wanted to have sex, but I share a room with my brother, so we made a code. "Tomato" for faster, and "cheese" for more, and I shouted, "Tomato, tomato, cheese, cheese." My brother said, "Stop making sandwiches, you're getting mayo on my bed!"

My friend says, "Time flies when having fun," so when he was gaming, I threw his clock to test that theory.

My sister asked where is my book.... me: "itti badi nak hai gufa jaisi dhund us mei."

I told my cousin since we're not blood-related our parents would let us date.

Her pants were on fire.

A little chimney said: "Ooooh, I think my house owner is making a fire in me! I'm about to smoke!"

The big chimney said next to him: "Well, you're too young to smoke..."

Son: Hey dad, why is my name Canada?

Dad: Because you were made there.

Mum: We haven't been to Canada.

Dad: Hol' up a minute.