My jokes

I was chopping onions with my brothers, so my little sisters cried. Onions was a good dog.

Random person: Minecraft is actually more peaceful than real life.

Me: Well, screw life. Maybe if I light a fire on myself, I will go to Minecraft (my excuse for suicide).

Someone telling a joke:

Boy: "My parents are dead."

Girl: "My grandad is too."

Orphan who listened to it: "That joke is dead!"

Person who told the joke: "So is your family!"

My blind son got hit by a car when he was riding his new bike. He should have been paying attention.

Me and my cancer

Are like a game of Fortnite.

I’ll never win.

What’s red, slimy, and makes my wife scream? Two failed abortions!

When Caesar’s wife told him she dreamed he should beware the Ides of March, he scoffed and said, “What? It’s not like I’m gonna be stabbed 23 times by my best buddies!”

Lady: I am going to come to your house.

Man: Ok.

An hour later, the lady is at the man's house. The man meets her outside of the house.

Man: You are going to cum to my house!

And then he fucks her.

My dad always used to beat me, but he never beat cancer.

My dick itches.

If I could be any creature, I would be a Unicorn because they are Beautiful, Majestic, Sparkly, Bright, Gods. They create Joy and Happiness everywhere they go.

Unicorns made my life better when I got to know them more. ^-^ They filled my life with more Happiness. I believe in the Unicorns, and they'll believe in me. I am not a Unicorn, although I am the Princess of the Unicorn Land, but if I could be any creature, I would be a Unicorn! :P

"Sigma" - By every boy in my class.

A gingerbread man walks into the doctor’s office with a broken arm. He asks the doctor, “Doc, what should I do? My arm is broken!”

The doctor then looks at him and says, “Have you tried icing?”

Would it be wrong of me to yell “Jenga!” or “Timber!” while my class is watching a 9/11 documentary?

Stranger: Do you need hair regrowth products?

Kid: No, my hairline is just far back.

Stranger: Do you need a doctor?

Have you heard the word of the day? It’s "legs".

Now, let’s go back to my place and I can spread them.

Stop making jokes about 9/11, my dad died in 9/11.

BEST PILOT OF SOUTHERN ARABIA

ALAKBAR

My manager told me to have a good day. So I didn't go into work.

I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor.

My father always used to say:

"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger."

Until the accident.