My jokes
Why is my pee green? Because, "NEIN, ITCH BIEN FIRST REICH!"
What's the difference between me and you?
I leave white stains in your mom's bed, and you leave white stains in my mom's bed!
Q: What did the Jewish person say when he beat me in a race?
A: Eat my dust.
My cousin really loves baseball.
He always brags about how many home runs he hit in the minors.
My dad told me "No electronics at the table," so I unplugged my grandma's life support.
Memes
Stop making jokes about 9/11, my dad died in 9/11.
BEST PILOT OF SOUTHERN ARABIA
ALAKBAR
Would it be wrong of me to yell “Jenga!” or “Timber!” while my class is watching a 9/11 documentary?
I wish the grass in my yard was emo. It could just cut itself.
My manager told me to have a good day. So I didn't go into work.
What did the earthquake say when it was done? Sorry, my fault!
My father always used to say:
"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger."
Until the accident.
We say “Father, I have sinned,” because it would be weird if we said, “Daddy, I have sinned,” right?
“Forgive me, Daddy, for my transgressions!” We say the “Our Father,” not the “Our Daddy.”
I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor.
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.
My pp was in the Guinness World Record book.
The librarian then asked me to take it out.
A gingerbread man walks into the doctor’s office with a broken arm. He asks the doctor, “Doc, what should I do? My arm is broken!”
The doctor then looks at him and says, “Have you tried icing?”
Stranger: Do you need hair regrowth products?
Kid: No, my hairline is just far back.
Stranger: Do you need a doctor?
What’s the difference between a 5.7l v8 and a dead baby?
If you lift the hood on my car, you won’t find a 5.7l v8.
"That's not my age; it's just not true.
My heart is young; the time just flew.
I'm staring at this strange old face, and someone else is in my space."
Hey girl, are you a wizard? Because you cast lit in my Final Fantasy!