My jokes

Wife: "Honey? What do you think about my teeth?"

Husband: "They remind me of stars... yellow and far apart."

My great uncle died in a concentration camp.

He fell off one of the guard towers.

Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you just finish me off already?

Who wants to be my boyfriend, please?

The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.

My friend saw your forehead and realized you're gay.

Sad news, my obese parrot died today.

Mind you, it's a huge weight off my shoulders.

Friend: What are you doing?

Me: Putting peanut butter on my balls.

Friend hears in the distance, "Orphans, I have food for you!"

I'm black, and I have a dying family in my basement that hasn't eaten in 2 weeks. They need help.

Btw, it's a joke lol.

My wife told me to hang her the salt, so I beat the shit out of her. My name's Kyle, by the way.

Best friend makes joke about 9/11.

Me: My pop was a part of that!

Best friend: So sorry!

Me: My pop was the pilot of the plane, he flew through 89 floors.

Thanks for the birthday wishes. It's been an odd one this year, as some of you know, my father suddenly passed away on my birthday last year, and anyone who knew the old man knew he had a sledgehammer wit!

Good on ya dad, ya definitely got the last laugh!

My dad was in the plane in 9/11, and he was the smart one that convinced everyone. He said, "We're fucked."

Why did my dad bring a bomb vest to fit in with his Taliban brothers?

I'm so emo, my blood is black.

Can you guys comment on my nuts jokes (aka Willma, Bofa, and Savor)? I just want to see if people don't think it's funny.

"Gwen, I want my boyfriend back!"

Prince, do you love that girl Gwen more than me? Remember when you were at my house?

My wife told me to pass her some chapstick, but then I realized she hasn’t talked to me in a month, then remembering I gave her super glue.........ehh I’m done with her big ass mouth.

My wife walked in on me cheating on her and said, "How could you cheat on me?!" I said, "She was lying naked on the table what I was supposed to do?" and my wife responded with, "Perform the autopsy."