My jokes

Roses are red, My friend is choking. That stupid bitch shouldn't have eaten my muffin.

"I don't want to go on my at-home history."

- My friend, anon 2019.

Ya, I have a Hydro Flask.

H: My Y: Grandpa D: Sticks R: His O: Cock F: Up L: My A: Ass S: K:

My friend Amir didn’t have the greatest driving record because of all the car crashes he got in. He only crashed his plane once in a building, so he had a much better flying record.

I saw a trophy in my sister's room. So I said congratulations on your cheer leading. My sister said I didn't win the trophy for cheer leading, so I asked why. My sister said I won because I give the best jobs.

I played piano at a Worthmore disabled elderly center. Then after I was done, I said, "How about you give me a standing ovation?"

I regret it to this day. Now I am forced to live here at Worthmore, and sit on my wheelchair, sad and lonely.

I told a 9/11 joke to my friends today.

It didn't land well.

I know why nobody likes my comments, because they got no sense of humor. That's why they dislike it. Now I know depression is a joke, a joke that never gets a laugh. =[ WHYYYY NO ONE LAUGH AT MY JOKES?

My friend has ligma...

Lick ma balls!

What do you call lesbians having sex?

My cheating dyke ex-wife!

What do you call nuts on a chin?

My penis in your mouth.

Wanna know what my favorite feeling is? Warmth. Fuck, I left the oven on!

My mom said the only way to cure depression is to do what she does. She's dead.

I have fuck and sex with all the sexy naked ladies and they suck my balls (penis), but you ain't have no girlfriend. Your only friend, they call him ching chong coz of your hairline.

What do you call your mom?

My wwwwiiiiiifffffffeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!@#$%

My dad killed himself because he was Hitler.

My step mom walked in naked once. I sky rocketed that day. I was 12.

"Mmmmmmmm, daddy, f*ck me harder. I love you, daddy, mmmm. I luv your cock, mmmm, lick me, lick my clit, daddy!"

My penis is longer than one inch.

Are you a printer? Because you turn my soft copy into a hard copy. Dark..Humor :)