Knock, knock.
Who is there?
Your Nan.
WHAT? MY NAN IS DEAD!
My Jokes
Doctor: I’m so sorry, sir, but you only have a couple months left.
The sir: My children will be devastated.
Doctor: But I have a shot that can change that.
The sir: Whatever it takes.
*Suppressed gunshots*
Q: Name a murderer?
Aborted fetus: My mum.
Me: Spell "I cup."
My Friend: I see you pee.
Me: BOII YOU BETTER GIVE MEH SOME PRIVACY IN MY BATH ROOM!!!!
My Friend: Oh hehe O-O
Tooth 1: Hey, do you like my jokes?
Tooth 2: Yeah, but they're cracking me up.
My wife slept with another man and got pregnant. She told me 9 weeks later. I said it's ok and told her let's talk downstairs, so I pushed her down the stairs.
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back!
I go 7u7. I said I go 7u7. Get Rick and rolled, my son.
I like my COVID like I like my women: 19 and easy to spread.
My mom wanted me to brush my hair.
And I just told her that even pet animals don't like their hair brushed...
What’s up with the foot feet?
What is the plural of "goose"? "Geese."
What is the plural of moose? Well, it ant meese.
Well, it’s my first joke. Please forgive me if it’s bad.
Me: *in a family meeting*
Mom: Ok guys...
Me in my mind: BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA
My friend and I were playing Poker... And my friend also beat me with Jackass.
The Queen: "I've had a few medical problems this year. I'm so old that my pussy is haunted!"
There was a new kid in my school. The first thing the teacher said was, "Me, you, the basement NOW!"
Teacher: Everyone, tomorrow is bring your mom to school day.
Me: Sorry but my mom's not gonna make it.
Teacher: Why?
Me: I'm an orphan, bitch.
He said he didn't want to be my brother anymore.
He's now my sister.
I bought my friend a rope for his birthday. He said it was the most violent book ever.
I told my therapist you are too fat and ugly to date grown men. Then she asked me, "You wanna give a judgemental reaction about that?" I said, "Okay, you smell rat pee on somebody's cock."
My sister said I'm stupid and I'm a baby, and I said, "Oh, I didn't know we were talking about you."
