My jokes
Tell your mom happy last night. 🍆 in my bed.
Like and comment if you will be my friend!
Roses are red, My cat try to kill your next >:)
The average person in 2023 is less straight than the lines my 5th-grade P.E. teacher walked in college.
I got barred from Weight Watchers today.
It wasn't my fault; it was the fat ass next to me who spilled her box of Maltesers onto the floor in the middle of the room. All I did was say that it was the funniest game of Hungry Hungry Hippos that I have ever seen.
Memes
Deez nuts, can we get much higher?
Boioioioing boioioioing, my name Jeff.
Arabic Nokia ringtone, bingchungus, wholesome 100, everyone liked that, Keanu Reeves chungus, Ugandan Knuckles, YouTube poop XDDDDDDDDDDDD.
Why did the terrorists crash?
They were doing the job they loved but not getting paid.
Lol.
My dad died in 9/11. He was a good pilot.
Do you know what organ remains warm even after a woman dies?
My penis (or rather my neutron laser priming its firing sequence).
In my science class we were watching a video, and for no reason at all, it started talking about Black Lives Matter, and my friend leaned over and whispered, “White lives matter more!”
Wife: "Honey? What do you think about my teeth?"
Husband: "They remind me of stars... yellow and far apart."
My great uncle died in a concentration camp.
He fell off one of the guard towers.
I don’t drink, don’t swear, don’t smoke, shit, I left my cigarettes at the fucking bar! (Andrew Dice Clay.)
Guys, my girlfriend calls me: "911, help! There’s a strange man in my room and I think he’s on drugs!"
She’s so nice.
"Gwen, I want my boyfriend back!"
My wife slept with another man and got pregnant. She told me 9 weeks later. I said it's ok and told her let's talk downstairs, so I pushed her down the stairs.
Sometimes I look at my butt for a really, really long time, and suddenly it all becomes clear to me.
My wife told me to pass her some chapstick, but then I realized she hasn’t talked to me in a month, then remembering I gave her super glue.........ehh I’m done with her big ass mouth.
Can you guys comment on my nuts jokes (aka Willma, Bofa, and Savor)? I just want to see if people don't think it's funny.
My wife walked in on me cheating on her and said, "How could you cheat on me?!" I said, "She was lying naked on the table what I was supposed to do?" and my wife responded with, "Perform the autopsy."