My jokes

I wish my ex-wife would take me back. :(

What did the bull say when got hit in the special area? "Damn my bulls!" Ahahaha

OK, OK, what's up with the fake Gwens? I am going to use a test to see who is real or not.

The real Gwen will know this. When did I come onto this website? Next question, what is my real name, and do I go on cursing rampages? Only the real Gwen can complete this test with the right answers.

Me people call me emo.

Older cousin: Why?

Because I always have my hood up and wear black cloths and wear black cross earrings.

I love my dog and all dogs.

What's the difference between you and my dad? You come home.

Yo, look, they give me and my girl free pizza and a big bottle of rabbit wine. Yay, yay! Don't drink too much of it; you might turn into a wine rabbit.

I broke up with my emo girlfriend yesterday, look who came crawling back!

"Don't sneeze!"

Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.

Also,

"It dangles and swung!"

Language art quizzes are the best.

My manager told me to have a good day. So I didn't go into work.

If you don't like my spelling, Explain Bear, have you realized I'm a duck and you are a bear? I've got more internet power and meme power, so shut the duck up and get a life and stay off my property and the internet.

Ernie and Burt were camping in the woods, when they woke up Burt asked Ernie "how did you sleep?" Ernie replied with "I slept amazing! I had a great dream that I was in a magic candy world and was sucking the most tastiest lollipop I'd ever tasted in my life."

Burt replied with "Good to hear, I slept amazing too. I had a dream that I was in heaven surrounded by angels, and one of them was giving me a blow job."

I like my women like my coffee—ground up and frozen.

My girlfriend asked for a kiss, so I gave her my dick.

Your mum is so fat, when she was in front of my apartment, I couldn't get in.

Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.

That made my father very mad, as we didn’t have a fireplace.

My little sister that is 10 is so ugly her hairline can't even be found by Dora the Explorer.

I was raised as an only child.

Which really annoyed my twin sister.

I caught my wife this morning gazing at our marriage license of long ago that hangs upon our wall with tears in her eye!

Almost got teary eyed myself until she told me she was only looking for the expiration date!

What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red?

My ex-wife.