My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles' elbow.
So I was going out the door and I see me dwarf neighbour at the bus stop, I ask if he needs a lift. He replies with fu.. off. So I zip up my backpack and keep going to work
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.
I started crying when my mom was cutting up onions
Onions was a good dog
I got my son a trampoline for his birthday The ungrateful boy sat in his wheelchair the hole time
Children are like a box of Christmas decorations. I keep ‘em in my basement until it’s time to hang ‘em from a tree.
Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven".
The first guy says "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times". The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says "11 years and only once" and is granted a Mercedes.
The last man says "20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart" and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse".
The guy looks up and says "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard"
Guy: My life is like a game, I should end it.
Guy 2: Is it a hard life?
Guy: Yup
Guy 2: Then you can't kill yourself LOL
Guy 3: Hold on, I know a cheat code to finish the "game"
Once again, RIP Daniel Kyre, he actually died this day five years ago.
He attempted suicide Sep 16, and was in life support, till his parents made the tough decision of taking him off.
We will miss ya bud..... (cyndagoooooooo)
My mom is the jelly and my dad is the peanut butter And I am the bread the only thin keeping them together.
JFK was one of the most open-minded presidents. It really blows my mind how great he was.
If you don ́t like my suicidal jokes, sorry man didn ́t know it cut that deep.
Asked my dad what LGBT stands for
He started with "Lettuce? Bacon. Tomato. What's the 'g' for?" Obviously I had to reply with "Garnish".
These jokes are so dark they almost stole my bike
I don't need to go to the car dealership when I have a Geico scanner on my arm at all times 😏
I like my couches like my I like my women... Old, used, and big enough to fit 3 men.
A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!". And the doctor replied, "I know. I amputated you arms."
Everything I fall in love with leaves me. Maybe if I fall in love with my depression, it'll leave me too.
My grandfather was there when the titanic sank..he shouted 3 times that it was gonna sink until they Finally kicked him out of the movie theater............haha
