My jokes

Me: I must have a mirror in my jeans, 'cause I see you in my pants.

I didn’t know how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.

One day, during lunch, a Spanish kid came up to my other friend and asked her questions in Spanish, and when she was about to say something, I popped out and said, “GO AWAY OR I WILL SUE YOU WITH BRIANNA’S SEVEN/7 LAWYERS!!!!(AKA, her seven/7 shoes.)”

I still remember my granddad's last words,

"Are you still holding the ladder?"

My favorite Pixar film: Wall-E.

McDonald's worker be like, "Hello, would you like a Mc-Dick?" (You looked down) You: "Uhh, where's my dick?"

So, on one partly cloudy night, there was a boy and his dad gazing up at the sky.

Dad: Aren't the stars just wonderful?

Boy: I'm not sure, from my angle, all I see are clouds.

Dad: Well, come over here and take a look.

Boy: Damn, the clouds always move when I get to the right spot!

Dad: Well then, I guess I will have to make you see them everywhere you look then.

Then the Dad shook and spun the boy around till he said...

NOW I'M SEEING STARS!!!

I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and give her it so she can bleed more.

My dad was a great pilot...

He died in 9/11.

Would it be wrong of me to yell “Jenga!” or “Timber!” while my class is watching a 9/11 documentary?

Worst joke ever: me and my user.

A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and yells, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" The guy behind the bar says, "Mate, you don't have enough bullets!"

Did you know what my grandpa wanted for Christmas? A new ass because his one has a crack on it.

So, I was walking down the path of my life with Bigfoot, noticing the two pairs of footprints, mine and his.

One day, I notice his prints are gone. I look up to him and say, "You had promised you would always be there for me. How is this possible?"

He then looks me straight in the eyes and says, "Raw!"

Last night I shared a bed with two of my friends because we were in a small hotel. We had strange dreams last night.

My friend on the left dreamed of getting a handjob.

So did my friend on the right.

I had a dream of skiing.

What is blue and wiggling on my floor?

A baby in a bag.

Kid me: I lost my stick.

Teacher: No, you didn’t.

Kid me: How do you know that?

Teacher: It’s hanging out of your pants.

My grandpa died in 9/11.

He was the best pilot.

Me and my friends were telling puns. My teacher said we should be “pun-ished.”

This midget in my school has two moms. I said, "Did your dad go get the milk?" He told me to shut up. I said, "I don’t shut up, I grow up like you should."