My jokes
My mom said, "You are in big trouble!"
I said, "Are you going to punish me?"
My joke is so diam funny, or so damn funny.
Have you heard about my new can crushing job?
It's soda-pressing.
"Why did my name start with an L? Because it is lips, lol."
I'm gonna cut my life off.
My dad told me "No electronics at the table," so I unplugged my grandma's life support.
I like my COVID like I like my women: 19 and easy to spread.
A Middle Eastern man comes to the states to do a stand up show. He starts by saying “2 Jews walk into a bar, NOT IN MY COUNTRY!”
What's the difference between sleeping pills and my beating my meat?
Sleeping pills actually come with a prescription.
A guy cut me in the lunch line. After that, a rock was thrown at him by my friend.
I was naughty at school and my teacher said she's going to tell my dad. I was like, "Who's that?"
Today I saw my son lick out a tub of butter. I told him to make a sandwich without butter for a week (as a punishment). He said, "Okay," and licked the bread. "It's really easy to spread," he said. LOL!
Hello, are you there?
Yes, who are you?
My name is Watt.
What’s your name?
Watt’s my name.
Yes, what is your name?
My name is John Watt.
John What?
Yes, are you Jones?
No, I’m Knott.
Will you tell me your name?
Will Knott.
Why not?
My name is Knott.
Not what?
Not Watt, Knott!
*hangs up*
My girlfriend sent “a let’s break up text” right when I was done editing our pics.
I asked my French mate if he had a games console. He said, "Oui!"
My wife got mad at me because I took our life savings and brought golden retrievers.
Like, bitch, we can get gold because of these golden retrievers.
I went to a restaurant and a waiter took my order. She had two black eyes, so I ordered real slow.
Because obviously she doesn’t listen.
My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.
You're so skinny my grandma gonna use you like a cane.
Hi, you guys don't know me, but I have my best interests at heart.
I'm a kind person who wants to put a stop to the bullying. I think that Gwen, Addison Banks, Watersharky, ect. are kind people! Also, I kinda like Watersharky...