My jokes

My mates threw nuts at the wall, now we call them walnuts.

Hahaha :)

Roses are red, Violets are blue, In your presence, my love, Every moment feels new.

Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because I’m not getting a car seat.

For some reason, people make fun of my name because it rhymes with something that starts with an F.

What does General Grievous say after he gets his penis growth pills?

A fine addition to my erection.

What did the fish say to the other fish?

"I want my life to be H2O-ver!"

It’s sad how my friend was struck from the medical register for sleeping with a patient.

He was a great vet.

Are you acid, cause I want to throw [you] at my face?

Orphan: Where are my parents?

God: New York City.

Orphan: But they used to live in China.

All my friends live in a forest. It's called Aokigahara.

I called my guy friend a cock-sucker the other day. He replied with, "Hey, 20 bucks is 20 bucks."

My brother truly is a numbskull.

When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”

My grandma has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

John pretended to be a doctor.

Motu came to him. He said, "I lost my hunger."

John brought some samosas for his lunch. Motu ate them. John said, "Your hunger is back!"

Then, Motu said, "I lost my taste."

John said, "Number 1, bring some water." Motu drank it and said, "This is petrol!" John said, "Your taste is back!"

Motu said, "I lost my memory."

John said, "Number 1, bring some medicine." Motu said, "But Number 1 brought water." John said, "Your memory is back!"

My willy was feeling itchy, so I decided to go to the doctor.

My doctor was foreign and spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. As I returned home, I noticed my willy was gone! Pessi stole my PENis thinking it was a Penalty just so he could statpad. SHAME ON YOU!

I walked in on my little sister when she was naked.

The thing I have to say is that my little sister is a big sister with big tits & ass with juicy lips upstairs & downstairs. I say whoever is going to be my brother-in-law is going to be a very happy person.

I was walking in a park today and a little girl I asked, "Where are your parents?" She said, "Gone. My dad went to go get the milk and never came back," and I said, "Oof."

I remember you. You used to be an ash.

I would love to roast you more, but my mom said to not burn trash.

Me and my wife decided we would only smoke after sex.

I'm still on the first pack. She's up to 2 packs a week.