My hairline may be straight, but I’m not.
My Jokes
What's the last thing Asians hear from their parents?
"My money is my money. Your money is my money. Your wife's money is my money. Always remember that, son."
Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?
Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.
My dick was in the book of world records.
But then the librarian asked me to take it out.
So, I was raping this girl the other night, and she said, "Please just think of my kids!" I was like, "What a freak."
I was going to make a depressing joke, but my parents already did.
Why is my pee green? Because, "NEIN, ITCH BIEN FIRST REICH!"
A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.
The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"
If I had kept all my two cents to myself, I'd have enough money to publish my own newspaper now.
I hate my stupid wrinkly ring doing f, dad!
Someone glued my deck of cards together. I don't know how to deal with it.
My crush rejected me 2 years ago, and I still have never moved on. I'll be over her when a train is over me.
The Twin Towers ordered a pepperoni pizza. They got plane.
My mom gives me your stuff because you have bad grades.
Me: How about my 5 little brothers? I have A's; he has F's.
She lets him play anyway and I don't.
When my bro says "YOUR MOM" when I'm talking when I'm at school, and my friend says "YOUR MOM," me punches him;-;
After I see an anime boy acting cool,
Me at school acting cool:
My brothers: "He's just acting cool."
Me: I'm gonna kill u 0.0
My mom and dad: KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS TO EAT! Me: What's for dinner? Mom and Dad: Food.
The next day KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS FOR FOOD! My brother and sister: What's for dinner? Me: Food ;-;
My mom calls me.
Me: WHAT MOM?
No answer.
Me: WHAT?
When I'm chilling and a little kid ruins my moment.
My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better, so I sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wife's broken leg.
