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Arab rizz. Are you a tower? Because I wanna blow you up and don't let your friend know about this. Rashid, I told you not to blow it up, I had it.

The greatest Arab pilot, my grandfather.

@ Kobe the person under my joke, your hairline is so bad that Kobe Bryant could've lived if he landed the helicopter on your forehead.

I bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.

My girlfriend called me a "pedophile", and I said, "That's a big word for a 5-year-old."

I was watching The Perfect Murder with my boyfriend. It was a good movie, but the weird thing was that my boyfriend was taking notes throughout the whole movie.

I told the ugly friend in my friend group that when they daydream, they shouldn't picture themselves because it will just ruin it.

I snorted a line of coke off my 8-year-old sister’s tiny prepubescent vag. She just laid there and let me do it without complaining, probably because she was already dead.

Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a school bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

Me explaining my child: when your mom is sitting on a table during her period, it's called the periodic table.

My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"

He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.

What did the llama say when the villagers said that he had to leave the village?

"Alpaca my bags."