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My jokes

What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can't peanut butter my dick up your ass.

  • 3

    • I named my dog Syndrome, so when he sits on my couch I say, “Get down, Syndrome!”

  • 1

    • I was talking to my Welsh friend the other day, and he suddenly started talking Welsh to me then collapsed after the first few sentences. Turns out he had a stroke.

  • 0

    • I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”

  • 5

    • OK, there are at least 3 pedophiles in your neighborhood.

    But there are no pedophiles in my neighborhood; there are only three 10-year-old girls with juicy asses.

  • 0

    • How many dead babies does it take to paint my room?

    It depends how many bullets you have.

  • 2

    • My girlfriend broke up with me because of my pasta fetish.

    I'm feeling cannelloni right now.

  • 0

    • How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?

    Must be more than 13, because my basement is still dark.

    When I go to bed, my mother comes in ten minutes later with a brick and beats me with it.

    My wife told me I was immature. I just told her to get out of my pillow fort.

  • 0

    • One day in my class, we were having that good snack, and one of my classmates choked on a Cheerio. One small, single, Cheerio!

    You know chords, right? Well, you know what I love to do? To play with A-minor. You know, feel your fingers on A-minor. Gives you a sense of power, to just F A-minor.

    But that's not my favorite thing to fiddle with. That would be the D of minors. It's just solid, you know. If you're clever you can have the D of minors into the C of minors. Or, though a bit tricky, the D of minors into the B of minors.

    And at this point you've gotten the point and if I want to continue it would be a bit of a stretch.