My jokes
My name is Jeff.
A girl said, "Suck my dick," and the man went, "I have boobs."
There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station while Manners tried to help Shit.
When Shut up got to the police station he says, "My brother has just been hit by a car."
The policeman replied with, "OK then, first I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"No, I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"Excuse me, but where are your manners?"
"Round the corner picking up shit."
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That's a big word for a seven year old.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, it's not 8 because my basement is still dark.
How did I know where you would go next?
Oh, I felt it in my bones!
My brother truly is a numbskull.
My favorite instrument? The TromBONE, of course.
What's the difference between a baby and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't scream when I put my meat in it.
Wanna hear a joke?
My life.
I told my doctor I was experiencing some back pain. He told me to smoke some weed because I had chronic back pain.
Two pedos are on the beach.
One pedo said, "Hey, get out of my son!"
My brother
I spy with my little eye nothing because I only have two normal-sized eyes.
I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like carrots!"
How long does it take to blow up a baby in the microwave?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate...
My friend told me he had a sister. I asked if she was hot, and he said she was 8. That wasn't my question.
A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him:
Wife: "Why is your face all bloody?"
Husband: "I was so drunk that I couldn't stand up, so I kept falling on my face!"
Wife: "Idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!"
I don't always roll a joint, but when I do, it's my ankle.
I've just started reading my first ever Braille horror story, and I think that something scary is about to happen. I can feel it.