My jokes

Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains, so Mohammed said my faith can move skyscrapers.

My music teacher was investigated, but she was the one that taught me my fingerings.

My mental health.

My acquaintance, William.

What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can't peanut butter my dick up your ass.

How did number 1 kindly make number 2?

I got my ass kicked, let's be friends?

How did number 1 kindly make number 2?

I got my was kicked, let's be friends?

I named my dog Syndrome, so when he sits on my couch I say, “Get down, Syndrome!”

I was talking to my Welsh friend the other day, and he suddenly started talking Welsh to me then collapsed after the first few sentences. Turns out he had a stroke.

I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”

My syndrome may be down, but my hopes are always up.

OK, there are at least 3 pedophiles in your neighborhood.

But there are no pedophiles in my neighborhood; there are only three 10-year-old girls with juicy asses.

How many dead babies does it take to paint my room?

It depends how many bullets you have.

My girlfriend broke up with me because of my pasta fetish.

I'm feeling cannelloni right now.

How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?

Must be more than 13, because my basement is still dark.

When I go to bed, my mother comes in ten minutes later with a brick and beats me with it.

My life.

Kill me, please.

My friend is gay lol. I'm a spagetie fucc, lemme smash, Becky!

My wife told me I was immature. I just told her to get out of my pillow fort.

One day in my class, we were having that good snack, and one of my classmates choked on a Cheerio. One small, single, Cheerio!