So, my dad was drinking, so he was drunk, and I was sad. But can you be my friend, please?
My Jokes
I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger before my eyes.
Then it hit me.
What's the difference between a pile of babies and a Porsche?
I don't have a Porsche in my garage.
What’s my favorite Islamic Holiday... 9/11.
So my mom said, "Did you do your homework?" Well, I say yes, and in the hour, I yelled, "This is fake, not real!" 😅😅😅
Went to my friend's house, fucked his sister.
I had a fun funeral / birthday.
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.
My departed uncle was a circus clown before he died.
So all his friends came in one car.
The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, "Honey put down the knife, we were only talking about getting a divorce."
Someone came to me and said, "Your dad is gay." I just said, "Wait. You know where my dad is? Please tell me!"
My favorite thing to do in my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.
Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, GET IN THE VAN!
I'd tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.
What's the difference between dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.
What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby?
I don't have a girlfriend.
What's the difference between 13 dead babies and a skeleton?
There aren't any, there's 13 skeletons in my closet.
Today I saw my son lick out a tub of butter. I told him to make a sandwich without butter for a week (as a punishment). He said, "Okay," and licked the bread. "It's really easy to spread," he said. LOL!
Son: “Mom, is there a thing called «friendship» between a man and a woman?”
Mother: “No Son, unless if he’s gay.”
Son: “So your friend is gay?”
Mother with herself: «How did he see me with michael omg if my husband discovered my cheating he will kill me»
Mother: “Mmm.. Yes.”
Father loudly: “YES!!!”
Mother: “What in the hell? Are you gay?”
Father with himself: «Am i an idiot why did i yell?! if she discovered I’m gay and her son was made by Paul’s semens she will kill me»
Father: “No what are saying? I’m just talking with myself.”
*A few hours later*
Mother: “I will go to visit my mother.”
Father: “Me too I will go to visit my mother.”
Son: “Not me too I will go to stud with my friends.”
The mother and the father goes to michael’s house and they found their son playing with Michael and Paul is recording them and saying: «that’s why I love you my actual son oh only if your mother knows».
*The End* :D
So my brother said we should start a band, and I said I already had a band. So I gave him my band and he said he was talking about music, and I said, "Well, I do have a trum-bone ;)"
