My jokes
My puns are awesome, pure gold.
My cousin died last week. He needed a blood transfusion, but we didn't know his blood type. He just kept saying, "B positive, B positive," but it's hard to be positive with him gone.
My friend tried to sleep on napkins.
I guess that's why they're called NAP-kins.
My sister's boyfriend is mad at me because I fucked his girl.
Two men are in a rainforest, and one of them is peeing. Suddenly, a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!” He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car, so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened, and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out.” The man went back to the other man and said, “There is no hope, you will die.”
When I was younger, I thought that it was cool to use knives because kids used to ask me to use them.
By the way, have you seen my sister?
I’m here to collect my bounty, what’s your bounty? Your pants.
My neck, my back, my crippling anxiety attacks.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because I unplugged his life support to charge my phone.
Me and my life.
Apparently, I'm a category for jokes now. Hmm... ok!
#HOMIEZ4Life
P.S. Say "crack my finger," now say it backwards :)
What's the difference between a T-Rex and your sister? I can't stick my dick in a dinosaur.
What happens when you search nudes on my phone?
Nothing, I don't have any.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but there will always be something that offends feminists.
What did the lampshade say to the light bulb?
You brighten my day.
There is a difference between my brother and Stephen Hawking; at least one of them does something.
Suck my ass, guys!
I'm making a new movie, it's called "Veggie Tales." My star actor is Stephen Hawking.
When I hired a Asian detective to see if my wife was cheating on me, I got this letter:
Mr. Wong - I see he, so I climb up tree. He knock on door and she let him in. She talks to him, he talks to she. He undresses she, she undresses he. She plays with he, he plays with she. I play with me, I fall out tree, I no see... No fee.
I like my dynamite like I like my woman: hot and ready to explode.