My jokes

I speak for the trees.

*Trees whisper in my ear*

They said six million wasn't enough.

My friend looks like a homeless, thanks for the jokes.

What's the difference between me and my best friends?

At least one of us has a house.

Brother: "I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help."

Sister: "That’s my f***ing electric toothbrush!"

Brother: "Oh, well the offer still stands."

My friend had a house FULL of okra, but it blew up and okra was everywhere.

I guess you can call that place Okra-homa!

Don't touch my pickles - they are very picklish.

I still to this day remember my grandpa's last words.

"I'M ALLERGIC TO FUCKING CATS!"

My sister's boyfriend is mad because I fucked his girl.

I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.

My friend told me I should be a stand up comedian but... I prefer sitting.

I like my coffee the way I like jokes about my coffee, I don't.

Guess how I got away from my mom saying I can't play Fortnite? I took my stuff and I ran to Iran.

Dad: My kid just said "butch," but since he is a kid, he said a bad word on accident.

*The next day*

Uncle: F*CK!

I met this kid and he was being bullied by 9 people. I Asked 1 whats going on. They all said another one to bully they all tried hitting me and then my mates which was like 15 of them came in and it was like war all over again.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich?

I don't put my dick in a sandwich before I eat it.

Calculate my dick, virgins!

Fila is a cool brand. I fill a cock in my ass.

My friend, Jackson Huge-T, got raped by Huge-D's.

My friend wasn't laughing at my jokes, so I said, "Is your funny bone broken?" But he got mad, and then I said, "Do you have a bone to pick with me?" He tried to insult me, but I said, "Call me what you want, I got thick skin," and this story was down to the bone.

A man goes into heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa's clock, it has never moved because she has never lied." "There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice." "Where is Donald Trump's?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."