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My jokes

One day a guy named Carson is called a jerk, and he says, "I went to a party with my girlfriend, and this random guy walks up to us and says, 'Can I borrow your girlfriend for 30 minutes?' I say yes, and he takes her upstairs. It was not only 30 minutes, but an hour. When she came back down, she was out of breath, so I knew it was a pretty intense conversation." This happens about 3 more times that night.

But as I was saying, only a nice guy would let his girlfriend make friends with other guys. 😊😇

What does a kid and wine have in common?

Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.

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    • "Don't sneeze!"

    Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.

    Also,

    "It dangles and swung!"

    Language art quizzes are the best.

    What did the skeleton say to the other? "Wow, that song, 'Spooky Scary Skeletons,' really does send chills down my spine!"

    10 years ago my dad went to get milk. He said when he got back, he was going to tell me a joke. That joke better be worth it!

    What did the 90s rocker Space Engineer in multiplayer Miner yell at the Troll stealing his stuff?

    "Hey! give me my Nickelback!"

    I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday.

    Oh, don’t worry, he’s okay now.

    But the vet charged me six quid.

    A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little boy says, "That's my little red race car." 10 minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little girl says, "That's my little red race car garage."

    So later that night the boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She says yes, and they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won't fit. Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs upstairs, flips on the lights, and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?" The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn't fit, so I cut the back wheels off."

  • 7

    • What's the difference between a PC and a 6 year old? I don't have to clean out my PC.

    My dad and I were talking and my cat left the room.

    So I said, "I guess she wasn't feline it."

    My dad said, "You've got to be kitten me, that was purrfect!"

    I said, "Literally."

    I named my refrigerator Oicurmt, because every time I look in, I say, "O I C, U R MT."

    Last time I talked to my girlfriend, she was yelling at me to put the hammer down.