New My Jokes - Page 266 - Worst Jokes Ever

My friend asked me to round up here 37 sheep.

I said “40.”

I told my Mum, "Will you remember me in 6 minutes, 6 hours, 6 years?"

She said, "Yes."

"Knock knock."

I said, "My mum, who's there? You didn’t remember me!"

My conversion therapy done worked. Now I only sleep with my sister and not my brother.

Hahahahahahhah my nan died :)

A policeman just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous! My dogs don’t even own bikes!

My nickname should be night light... because kids turn me on...

Seems very long. You won't remember the telephone number...

I remember it like this from school days in Ireland.

Dolly Parton is shopping for a new bra. A lady says, "Your size is 69." Dolly says, "No way, that's too too too (222) big." So she goes to the doctor. "Doc, I need something to make my boobs smaller." "Here, take (51) pills for 6 days (x6)," and so she did. Days later, she ran back to the doc, "Jesus Christ doctor, look what happened. I'm BOOBLESS!" 55378008 upside down.

What is black and blue and really hates sex?

The six-year-old in my basement.

I was in a toxic relationship. After some time, my girlfriend died. Her name was Happy. Still got no clue of her body, and here I am lying on the bed so fucking happy.

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, I finally had to take his bike away.

My bumper sticker says: "👋FORMER BABY ON BOARD."

I asked my lab partner for sodium hypobromate, but he said, "Na Br O."

I like my boo like I like my packages: straight out of the box.

White people: *come to America, meet natives and take food, kill them, rape them, and enslave them.*

Natives: Can y-

White people: Hey, you remember all that horrible sh*t we did to you? Let's have a good laugh about it over dinner with your buddies and my new wives.

Three friends were stuck in the desert. They were struggling and trying to find food when they found a magical lamp. They rubbed it and out came a genie, and the genie says, "Each of you friends get to have one wish." So the first friend said, "I wish to go home," same as the second one. The third friend said, "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were with me!"

I was going to an expensive dinner with my friend's girlfriend because she really wanted to go, but he just got out of surgery, and he said take care of her, so I said, "Will do, bro. I’ll bring her back fuller than a topped-up water bottle."