Fuck, my dad has cancer, lol.
My Jokes
Me and my friend were roasting each other. She said, "You look like a Reese's cup." I replied, "You're so old, your pubic hairs are 50 shades of gray."
If depression is going to be my girlfriend, will she leave me?
What do orphans use to make breakfast? My ass! 🤣🤣
So, one day I walk up to my sister and tell her that she is adopted because she doesn't look like anyone in the family. She starts to cry. My mom asks why she's crying, and I say I told her she was adopted and I was there for the adoption, and we have papers. It was all a lie. She is not adopted, and everything is fine.
People might not laugh at my jokes, or have a reaction at all, but I'd explode with euphoria.
Periodically, people might laugh every now and then.
Hi, I...
Sorry, my cat touched my computer. I don't know how to delete.
The joke is that if you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?
Sorry guys, it's a hard word to spell.
My boy is so distracted and the kids are doing great. I will be make $500000.
My sister is so annoying. She won $10,000 to go to hell.
Named my dog Syndrome, so when he sits on my couch I can say, “Get down, Syndrome!”
I was gonna clean my room
before I got high.
what's black and red and is a liquid?
my scars!
A 10-year-old: "I don't want to smile without having a reason to. People shouldn't think I'm happy 24/7."
A 10-year-old, a week later: "Damn... my life is shitty..."
<2 years later> 12-year-old: "What is de-pre-ssion?" *googles it*
Now 14-year-old: "Oh..."
My mom asked my doctor, "Why is my unvaccinated baby crying?"
The doctor replied, "He's going through a midlife crisis."
I accidentally hit an orphan with my car, but I was not worried because he couldn’t tell his parents.
Shipmate: Captain, there’s an iceberg and we need to steer around it right now!
Captain: My momma didn’t raise no pussy. Either that iceberg is gonna move or I am.
A man came running into a hospital saying, "Doctor, Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know I amputated your arms!"
Nutted in my shoes, now my kids are taking a walk.
Nutted in her braces, now my kids are behind bars.
I've never worn my gay sweater, it hasn't come out of the closet yet.
