When did “yo” mean Hello?
They are so different, how did they come to mean the same thing? Did someone just walk up and accidentally say “llo” instead of hello and people were just like “what did you say?” and the man being embarrassed just made up a story and say “oh, I said yo, which means hello in my original language."
Friend: I'm gonna go ask out my crush.
Me: *fake sneezes* Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit.
The teacher asked her student to say the alphabet. The student recited the alphabet: "abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz". "Where's the p?" He looked down to the floor and said: "it's running down my legs".
I showed my girlfriend my shotgun yesterday. It really blew her away.
Spanish is difficult. When my mom gives me food, she says "toma," and that's drink in English, so I always drink my food.
My Bff: Hey do want any coffee?
Me: Yeh, of course.
My Bff: Ok which one?
Me: You know... the black one.
Me: Like my soul...
My Bff: Jeez you ok?
My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.
She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!
What does my head and hell have in common?
They both have demons in them.
You're an apple. Now suck my dick!
I have WWII in my blood since my great-grandfather killed Hitler.
What does a woman do when she leaves the battered women's shelter?
"Cook my dinner, if she knows what's good for her."
What is your name?
My ankle is named Samantha.
I went to the doctor's yesterday. I said, "When I touch my back, it hurts. When I touch my knee, it hurts. When I touch anything, it hurts!" 😣 What’s wrong with me?
Doctor: You’ve broken your finger.
How many babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? More than 40 because my basement is still dark.
I don't get why people don't like my abortion jokes. Do they have a stick up their ass? Wait, that's the other hole.
I wish I could be as visible as my depression is.
My life is a joke.
Roses are red, violets are blue, Fortnite is dead, so are you.
(I have no friends because all of my friends play Fortgay, just like my friends all of them are gay.)
I like my Oreos how I like my victims... Drowning.
What did one snow ❄️ man say to itself? My arm is broken.
