My jokes

My grandfather says I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

I wrote a few jokes:

What does a 15-year-old boy do without two hands when his parents are not at home? Well, obviously do not jerk off.

Yesterday a girl from my job invited me to her home and there I had crazy sex. I could not think that her mother is so hot.

What will happen the morning after the destruction of humanity? Duncan MacLeod makes himself breakfast.

"Know, know how there."

"Lesh, lesh how can you at lesh remember my name?"

Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!”

A teacher says, "If you have one dollar and your parents give you 5 dollars, how much do you have?"

Everyone raised their hands except for a little girl in the front, but the teacher called on her anyway.

The girl said, "My parents left me, so I would have one dollar."

Roses are red, life has no meaning, voices in my head, are constantly screaming.

My bitch as flat as her grannie's heartbeat.

I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.

This is nothing to do with 9/11, but this is my best joke.

What do you call a Paki in a microwave?

Pting pting pting.

I gave my blind friend a piece of sandpaper. He said it was the most gruesome book ever.

I hate the 9/11 jokes; my dad and grandpa were killed.

My dad was one hell of a pilot.

Grandpa was a hell of a planner.

You never think of how people will react to an event. My friend gets discounts at any store he goes to.

So my depressed friend wanted to high-five the tree by the cemetery.

The tree left him hanging though.

I will remember my classmate's last words: "Ahh, my pen's ink spilled on my computer!"

I remember my son's last words: "I stubbed my toe!"

I will remember my auntie's last words: "If you shoot me, your p-nis is small!"

(gun shot)

I will remember my brother's last words: if you can't put a fork in a toaster, how about a spoon?

Merry Christmas, my fellow hoes!

Shorkey will find you in bed tonight, and he will eat you like my joke or else...

I'm not racist, my best friends are black for Halloween. :)