My jokes

Me and 1/2 of my friends.

I talk about the girls in my math class simping over anime characters and making random ships as well as for Miraculous Ladybug children's show, whatever the show is called, but it's a kids show. 💀 Now they’re searching up pictures of Tom Holland laughing in their absolute weirdness.

I like Tom Holland, but these kids man, they like him like they’re in a relationship. They might as well start kissing and licking the screen. They’re probably writing fanfictions in their free time when they aren’t searching up kids show characters, anime characters, and Tom Holland pics on their SCHOOL CHROMEBOOK. Their only device choice was a school-provided laptop which is monitored by the school while they are writing fan fictions on Google Docs and searching up some weird Tom Holland stuff. Imagine how Tom Holland would feel if he found out that there are 11 year old girls searching up some weird stuff about him.

The thing my mom birthed.

My gf told me I have to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car.

Roses are red, violets are blue,

I fucked a chimpanzee behind my local zoo.

The only joke my dad ever made was me.

The last thing I said to my dog was,

"Play dead."

If I was God, my parents would be anesthetists.

Jim was caught beating a man up. Brooklyn took a picture of his license plate with her phone and told him, "Your life is ruined!" So Jim took a picture of her, and the next thing you know, he said, "Now my phone is ruined!"

My dad died during 9/11, he was the best pilot in all Saudi Arabia.

No joke. I just want to say that my thoughts are with the Ukrainian people, and I wish them the best. Best of luck.

What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?

My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.

What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and my life? They’re both pointless.

I was digging outside and I found my child's old toy, so I ran to find him, but I could not find him, so I was searching for about 6 hours, but then I remembered why I was digging......

If an old person tells you what to do just say, "At least my parents are alive!"

I asked a man if I was the fastest gun in the west. He said my 17 wasn't good enough. After that, a lot of lead went into his head.

My first name is Al and my last name is Coholic :) #yuengling.f/wat

Am I the only one who's on here because it's not blocked on the school laptop and I can't use my phone in class?

Cows go moo.

Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."

Little Johnny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something. Then he sees a plastic di**. He asks his mom, "What's that?" and Mom didn't know, so when his dad comes home from work, he sees him with the plastic di** and says, "Son, why you messing with my personal toy?"