My jokes

Love that dress; it would look much better on my floor, though.

I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: "Hey, wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"

My friend entered a pun contest. He entered ten, figuring at least one of them would win, but no pun in ten did.

So, my friend and I were talking this time. I asked them what they would do if they ever met Rengoku. They said that they would probably like shake his hand or something, but I said I would lick his forehead. Wtf?

Hey, I know this is a classic joke but I found it pretty funny!

"My name is 4, four like the number," my friend said. "What, was 1 2 3 taken?"

I can even with it but I was bored and decided to share this.

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

I'm surprised that the tree is still standing when my emo friend is hanging from it.

Me: The light wow brighter than my future.

Fortnite battle pass, I just shit out my ass. The school: You did what?

What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

I have MP3s on my computer that are older than Johnny Depp's new significant other.

My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the National Zoo.

I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I got jealous of the zebras. Sorry, I’ll cut it out. I wanted to practice for my med school test.

My dad was in 9/11, that's rude, and he was a great pilot.

My wife made electric eel for supper. I was shocked!

I asked my orphan friend what his movie is, he said "Spiderman: No Way Home." I said, "Probably because it's so relatable, right?" He started crying. I don't know why.

My dad died in 9/11. I'll always remember his last words:

Allah hu akbar.

Police: Where do you live? Child: With my parents.

Police: Where do your parents live? Child: With me.

Police: Where do you all live? Child: Together.

Police: Where is your house? Child: Next to my neighbor's house.

Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Child: If I tell you, would you believe me?

Police: Yes. Now tell me. Child: Next to my house.

Police: ... Child: 😊

Police: *Proceeds to beat the life out of the child*

My therapist told me, "Time heals all wounds," so I stabbed him.

Now we wait...