My jokes

I gave my sister a compliment and said she's pretty, then while she was saying thanks, I said, "pretty ugly."

Me: You are pretty. Her: Thanks. Me: Pretty ugly.

My hair goes just onto my collar bones. WOW! That's longer than I'll live.

I'm just like my LEDs, I'm meant to be hung.

I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.

I get so many things stuck in my head, though, unfortunately none of them were a bullet.

My father, who flew the plane, couldn't have a funeral, he went everywhere.

I remember you. You used to be an ash.

I would love to roast you more, but my mom said to not burn trash.

I overdosed on Viagra yesterday.

It was the hardest day of my life.

My dog died today. 😥

911 what's your emergency?

"Burning in toaster."

"Toast?"

"Yeah so your calling 911 because of burnt toast?"

"Set fire to my forest!"

I got a new Lego airplane set from my friend... oddly, there were also two towers included in the box as well.

Girl: "Hey, why don't you come over?"

Guy: "I can't. Cops are looking for me, they say I killed 2 people."

Girl: "C'mon, my parents aren't home."

Guy: "About that..."

Hii! Oh my gosh. It has been forever! How have you guys been? Comment your favorite movie!!!! <3

What do the Twin Towers and my ex have in common?

They both fell on my dad.

My dog died. I'm so sad.

I'm 17, right? Anyways, the other day my parents told me a joke they made 17 years ago, but they still haven't told the joke yet.

The joke I'm telling is my brother, Joey.

My dad is really angry at me for kicking the balls. He's the one that told me always aim for them. Is that why I don't have a brother?

Hey, that's the thing my grandpa has. They say that to treat it, I should call him a bitch!

Are you a marry, because you are my mother?