My jokes

My ex.

A cop pulls me over and asks if I have been drinking.

I'm an honest person and say yes, I did, so I take off my sunglasses and tell him that I now had 2 glasses less.

I took a plane to go see my hairline.

A: Why are you so sad?

B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.

A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?

B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie.

A book just fell on my head. I’ve got only my shelf to blame!

Do you like Imagine Dragons?

Imagine draggin' my balls on your face.

I'm gonna finally put a stop to the fucking drama. I saw people bullying other people for years; Gwen was not the only one. No longer will I put up with this. No longer will newcomers. For God's sake, just do jokes! Please! If you want to bully someone, do it in your family! You people don’t even know each other, but we're still going through this same fucking shit every fucking day! Just make jokes, people! That is why it’s called “Worst Jokes ever” not “Bully people forever.” So shut the hell up and get to joking! Jesus! The only reason why I came here was to spread jokes and kindness like Gwen and others, not to spread hate and foolishness from people who don’t even know better things to do but to hate on stupid strangers from different parts of the fucking world!!!

“Addison, fuck off already, you're only 10 years old. What do you know?” I might be 10, but during my time here, the tragedies and horror I've experienced on this website have shaped me into someone more mature, able to share this wisdom. And if you're gonna laugh at me, spit in the face of me and my generous teachings, you will fall. I swear to God, I will make you wish you could never feel pain. But that would hurt me more than you. Please, stop the drama. That's all I ask. Together, we can make this website great again, like it once was.

I asked God why nobody likes me. He showed a reflection of myself.

What does my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.

I asked my phone why I couldn't get a date.

It showed a picture of myself.

What part of "Another One Bites the Dust" do you sing to a disabled person to make fun of them? "I'm standing on my own two feet."

Kid me: I lost my stick.

Teacher: No, you didn’t.

Kid me: How do you know that?

Teacher: It’s hanging out of your pants.

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was 5.

I live in China and we have no food. We have to eat Chinese food, so I called my dog over.

What does my dad have in common with Nemo?

They both can’t be found.

My friend said my life was a joke.

No jokes have meaning.

Me and a wheelchair person were playing tag, and I broke my leg so it can be fair for him.

My handicapped friend was getting bullied. I said, "Just stand up for yourself!"

So, my sister is a feminist. I asked her, "Do you want to hear a rape joke?" She said no. I still decided to force one down her throat anyway.

You know stairs, right? The dark... My there is something. I know that if you fall down the stairs, your balls will be crushed!