My jokes

Dad

What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.

Life

I wish I could say that my life is a joke, but I can't because jokes have a meaning.

  • 7
  • Surgery

    I told the doctor I didn’t want a brain surgery. But he changed my mind.

    Memes

    Girlfriend

    Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike. There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I'm stuck here holding my rod.

    Ex

    My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like.

    Garden

    I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

    Trampoline

    Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.

    MEd

    I cannot moderate myself at all. It's either I don't take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions, decisions...

  • 6
  • Wheelchair

    I broke up with my girlfriend, so I stole her wheelchair, and guess who came crawling back.

    Prostate exam

    I asked the doctor doing my prostate exam where I should put my pants. "Next to mine" was not the answer I was expecting.

  • 7
  • Friend

    My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."

  • 5
  • Killer

    I've been looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer for the past two years.

    But no one would do it.