My Jokes

I got a ps5 for my brother, best trade i've ever made

My grandfather has the heart of a lion... And a lifetime ban from the zoo.

When I was watching my daughter at the park earlier, another parent asked a man, "Which one is yours?" and he replied, "I ́m still choosing." She looked horrified.

My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like

I told the doctor I didn’t want a brain surgery. But he changed my mind.

Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike. There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I'm stuck here holding my rod.

My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him but and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."

To whoever stole my antidepressants I hope you are happy now

What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.

Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

I remember my grandfather's last words: "Is that loaded?"

you know what really gets me under my skin when im down? sharpener blades

I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.