My jokes

Guy: Do you want a nickel?

Girl: Sure.

Guy: So you’ll tickle my pickle?

Girl: 😳😩😩😩

There is a difference between my brother and Stephen Hawking; at least one of them does something.

My friend is so ugly, she got surgery twice, but not even that could fix her.

Are you a marry, because you are my mother?

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one.

She just screamed at me and said: “What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!?”

I told my emo girlfriend, "Do you like the lights?" Oh wait, she ain't got any.

My PC.

I was at school today, and one of my friends said after a test, "Man, that was hard." After that, I started laughing and I said, "That's what she said."

The lasagna I just cooked is for me, my friends, and family. You don't get none because your name is not on the list. You wanna know why? 'Cause you got the whole place smelling like catdog and ass.

I left my boots on in the river, and I drowned.

My life, haha, so funny!

My brother has a fucking ass and I wake up to him twerking.

The name is Ash, Johnathan Ash. My friends call me Jack.

I pulled my kid out of school after a woke teacher taught my six-year-old about pronouns! Yesterday, it was "he/she," today, "they/it," tomorrow, "I/you/we!"

Jerry: My dad got into a fight on a plane.

Jeremy: That's just *plane* crazy!

My mom is telling me to get off Friday Night Funkin' or she will slam my head against the keyboard: weherhrqqkh[qokqho[krq3[t4i2-4q43q343q44334q43.

Check out my new song. It’s called “Nlggas in the hood,” and it’s really good, so go listen.

I'm sorry my jokes are so bad.

A man's daughter comes home from school and asks her dad if she can borrow the car.

The father replies, "No, it's too late at night."

The daughter says, "C'mon, Dad. I'll do anything."

The dad says, "OK, suck my dick."

The daughter says, "No, that's disgusting."

The dad says, "You want the car. You said you'll do anything."

The daughter agrees. Just as she is about to put her father's dick into her mouth, she stops and says, "Eww, Dad, your dick smells like shit."

The dad replies, "Yeah, well, your brother borrowed the car about an hour ago."

I was driving a car and a fat person was crossing the street. When I swerved my car to miss her, I ran out of gas.