Mum jokes

Your mum is so fat, when she was in front of my apartment, I couldn't get in.

Your mum is so fat, when she was sitting on a scale, the number couldn't even fit on the scale and came shooting out!

While I was waiting for your mum to waddle past, I missed a whole season of my TV show!

Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?

Mum: Shut up, son, you’ll wake your father!

Your mum is so fat that she took a spoon to the supercool.

Your mom dot com.

Why do I have to do the stupid joke, mum?

Mom: ON THE PHONE WITH CHILD- Honey, is Dad late to pick you up again?

Child: No, Mum. Dad is here, but he is talking about me to Mrs. Lili, the math teacher.

Mom: Can you hear them?

Child: I think... they are watching a good movie.

Mom: Why do you think that?

Child: Because I keep hearing this *HOLDS ONTO PHONE* and clap, clap, clap.

Why did Sally die? She got stabbed by her mum.

When I was walking home, a couple of married guys were saying, "Your mom is good at her job," but I realized my mom doesn't work.

So I ask my mom, "Why are these guys saying you're good at your job? You don't work." My mom said, "Yeah, I got a new job." So I said, "What do you do?" My mom said, "Job hand, no, I mean it's called a hand job."

Your mum lol teehee!

So I was in the car with my mom one time and we always joke about me being adopted (I am not), and Michael Jackson's song "Billie Jean" sounds like my name, and so my mom says, as the song is playing, "(My name) is not my daughter, she's just a girl who claims that I am her mum." Wow. *applauds for mother* Love you momma =)

Your mum's so fat, she's the iceberg that sunk the Titanic!

My mum found a chest that was wet, and it had a child in it. She asked me what it was for. I said I put kids in it and chuck it in a river until they are dead.

What is saw and bleeding and covered in bruises?

Your mum.

This kinda reminds me of when my mum was feeding me. She always used to say, "Open wide for the delicious plane."

Your mum is so ugly she made Paul Walker run.

Daughter: Where was I born?

Dad: Alabama.

Daughter: That is nice.

Mum: We have never been to Alabama.

Dad: RUN!

Your mumma so fat she takes up 4 seats of the sofa.

An orphan walks on a path asking for his mum. Soon he remembers he doesn't have a mum.

(Also, I had sex with ur mum. She was screaming "daddy~")