Mum jokes
What is Stephen Hawking's mum?
Your mum!
An orphan once said, "I will call my mum and go home."
A homeless kid once said he will go home.
Your mum is so cool, she looks like a fridge. Quote: Jude Porters.
So I was in the car with my mom one time and we always joke about me being adopted (I am not), and Michael Jackson's song "Billie Jean" sounds like my name, and so my mom says, as the song is playing, "(My name) is not my daughter, she's just a girl who claims that I am her mum." Wow. *applauds for mother* Love you momma =)
I fucked your mum!
Little Johnny's neighbor just had a baby. He got invited to dinner with his neighbor. Little Johnny's dad said if he mentioned "ears" he will get a spank.
So Johnny looked in the bassinet. They were talking about the new baby. Johnny's mum said, "What beautiful eyes."
"That is great," said little Johnny, "because he will be stuffed if he needed glasses."
You're mum.
Why is Hugh's mum so fucking fat?
Because she ate the 34 other kids she had but now only has 6,789.
My mum.
"Daddy, what are those two things on mum’s chest?" asked Tom. "Those are just... balloons," said dad.
(Later)
"Dad! I think mum’s dying!" said Tom. "Why?" asked dad. "Because uncles are blowing her balloons, and she said, ‘Oh god, I'm cumming!’"
What sexual position produces the ugliest kids? Ask your mum!
What's the similarity between your mum and West Ham?
Your mum blows spunk bubbles from her ass.
Daughter: So, I got my period.
Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!
Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?
Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.
Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)
Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)
Your mum, your dad, The things you never had.
Your mom dot com.
Why was Aaron's mum sad? The bus missed Aaron.
My mum told me to take you to the zoo and throw you in the lake, but I couldn't find you.
I love punching orphans. What are they gonna do? Tell their mum?
Amelia is hotter than my mum 696969696.
"Ethan is gay," you say that, but first, who asked? And second, where's your mum at? Correction, where's your family, so how dare you? Now in the comments say sorry, or I'm coming for you! 😡😡😜😝