Mum

Mum jokes

Beard

  • Why are Palestinian boys so eager to grow a beard?

    So they can use their mum's ID to get in the club.

  • 1
  • Trump fan

  • The teacher asks, "Who is a Trump fan?" Everyone in the class, wanting to be liked by their teacher, all put their hands up, except for Little Johnny. The teacher asks, "Little Johnny, why are you being different again?" Little Johnny says, "Because I'm not a Trump fan." The teacher asks, "Why are you not a Trump fan?" and Little Johnny says, "Because my dad's a democrat and my mum's a democrat so I'm a democrat." And then his teacher says, "So if your dad was an idiot and your mum was a moron, what would that make you?" And Little Johnny replies, "A Trump fan."

    Phone

  • "Mum, I just won this phone in a race!"

    "Who was in the race?"

    "The owner of the phone. And the police. I think they're at the door to congratulate me!"

  • 2
  • Flat

  • Ur mum is so fat that when she lived in a flat on the highest floor, she fell through the inner floor.

  • 4
  • Rape

  • I'm ashamed to admit feeling proud of the rape joke I posted and what went on between me and your mum.

  • 3
  • Man

  • Two mums hook up!

    Their daughter comes in the room and says, "Which one's the baby daddy?"

    The "mum" points to the woman who was actually a man!

    Porn

  • My mother caught me jerking off and she told me to leave it out. I didn't know what she was doing but she grabbed my cock and started sucking. Then I found out on porn she was doing deep throat.

    A couple of weeks later my dad caught me jerking off, I thought he would deep throat, but he just walked up to me and slapped my boner. I cried for 5 hours. Luckily my mum gave me a sloppy joe afterwards.

  • 4
  • Hamster

  • When I was a kid, my hamster died, so my mum bought a new identical one, hoping I wouldn't notice. It didn't matter anyway, since I beat that one to death, too.

  • 3
  • Crown

  • Your mum is so stupid, she tried to take the crown off a "Keep Calm and Carry On" poster so that she could become the new queen of England.

  • 0