Mum jokes

Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?

Mum: See the four birds over there?

Kid: Huh, wait a minute.

Mum: A drunk person would see eight.

Kid: Mum, but there is only two.

My mum's a carrot.

Why did Brandon's mum chase him with a knife? Because he didn't let her cum first!

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

UR MUM!

Friend, your mum's fat.

Me: Well, your mum's so fat, she played pool with the planets.

It's horrible to make jokes about 9/11, but it's not funny when I found out my mate's mum jumped from the 21st floor.

Your mum so fat she's diabetic... LOL

Why didn’t the orphan celebrate their birthday?

Because they didn’t have a mom to birth them.

Ur mum so fat that when she walked into a bar, they said, "Sorry, we don't sell food here."

Roses are red, violets are blue, Pornhub is down, your mum's Facebook will do.

Why don't orphans go to the shops? Because when their mum leaves, she's never coming back.

My new stepfather told me that I'm his new son, so I said okay.

My stepfather said that my and your mom have a few things in common. I said, "Yeah, like what?" My stepfather said, "Well, you came out of your mother's pussy; I eat your mother's pussy. You used to suck on your mother's tits; now I suck on your mother's tits. Your mother used to smack you in the ass when you act up; now I smack your mom in the ass now. Your mother calls me daddy; now I am your new daddy."

Ur mum homo.

Son: Can I go to my friend's mum? Mum: No! Son: Dad was right, I am a son of a bitch! Mum: Bad news, but you're adopted!!

My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.