Mum jokes

“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.

I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”

Your mum so fat she's diabetic... LOL

Roses are red, violets are black, your mum's so fat she sold her son for 10 Big Macs.

Your mum lol teehee!

My mum said not to walk the streets because I won't find home the next day. I was an orphan.

Your mum is stupid, just like you.

Your mum is so overdue on eBay for £2 so she could get a male stripper.

I go balls deep in your mum with no power.

Your mum said, "Who did it?" Ya nan!

Ur mum gay.

Your mum's so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.

Your mum stinks of disabled people.

Wanna know why?

I don't know either, you tell me.

Ur mum smells like shit, yeah, so she sucks a man off and washing machine. Yo, don’t at me, yeah, you chicken breath.

Your mum is so cute that I asked for her number and she said yes, and now we're dating.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

UR MUM!

It's horrible to make jokes about 9/11, but it's not funny when I found out my mate's mum jumped from the 21st floor.

So I was in the car with my mom one time and we always joke about me being adopted (I am not), and Michael Jackson's song "Billie Jean" sounds like my name, and so my mom says, as the song is playing, "(My name) is not my daughter, she's just a girl who claims that I am her mum." Wow. *applauds for mother* Love you momma =)

My mum's a carrot.

Why don't orphans go to the shops? Because when their mum leaves, she's never coming back.

Your mum is so fat, when she slept on the bed, the bed cracked and they had to replace it by a dinosaur.