Mum

Mum jokes

Ebay

Your mum is so overdue on eBay for £2 so she could get a male stripper.

Remote

Your mum is so fat, when she reached for the remote, when she found it, it was crushed.

Ebay

When your mum sold you on eBay for £2 pound for girls stripper.

Memes

Chick

How do fuck a really fat chick?

Roll her in flour and look for the wet spot.

Kid

Kid: Aye, Mum, I'mma do something Dad could never do.

Mum: And that is?

*Kid walks out.*

*Kid comes back in with milk.*

Mum: I'mma beat ya ass!

Period

Daughter: So, I got my period.

Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!

Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?

Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.

Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)

Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)

Mom

Mom died, so I planted mums and forget-me-nots all over her grave site.

Rose

Mum: Why are roses red?

Child: Stop, Mum, you never make jokes.

Mum: I made you.

Dad

Bruh, people always makin' jokes 'bout how their dad left, well in my story it was the mum that needed milk.

Name

If you have a daughter, give her the same name as the mum; that way when you call for a beer, you get two beers, and when you call for sex, you get two sex...

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