Mum jokes

I was walking down the streets with my parents and my sister. My mum said, "Step on a crack, break your mother's back." I stepped on a crack. My sister has been in the hospital ever since.

I told my mum that a few guys tell me that you're a MILF.

My mom said what that is. I reply, "Mom, I'd Like To Fuck." My mum started out to laugh, then she told me, "Well, now you need a new stepdad."

Your mum stinks of disabled people.

Wanna know why?

I don't know either, you tell me.

Your hairline goes further back than your mum's divorce.

Your mum is so overdue on eBay for £2 so she could get a male stripper.

Your mum is so fat, when she reached for the remote, when she found it, it was crushed.

When your mum sold you on eBay for £2 pound for girls stripper.

Your mother.

Little Jonny fucked his mum.

How do fuck a really fat chick?

Roll her in flour and look for the wet spot.

Kid: Aye, Mum, I'mma do something Dad could never do.

Mum: And that is?

*Kid walks out.*

*Kid comes back in with milk.*

Mum: I'mma beat ya ass!

Daughter: So, I got my period.

Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!

Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?

Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.

Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)

Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)

Mum: Why are roses red?

Child: Stop, Mum, you never make jokes.

Mum: I made you.

Your mum is so fat she sat on Walmart and lowered the prices.

Guess what.

What?

Your mum saw your 1 inch.

Your mum has balls.

Bruh, people always makin' jokes 'bout how their dad left, well in my story it was the mum that needed milk.

Children in the Twin Towers be like: "Look, Mum, it's a plane!"

Ur mum's queef was like a fucking hurricane!

My mum touched my friend, but she wasn’t the she’s only 12.