Mum jokes
Why did my dad leave me and my mum?
I told him it wasn't big enough and then ran off saying, "Daddy, yeeeees!"
What's full of lard and is reserved as Putin's cannon fodder?
Your mum!!!
Why don't orphans go to the shops? Because when their mum leaves, she's never coming back.
My new stepfather told me that I'm his new son, so I said okay.
My stepfather said that my and your mom have a few things in common. I said, "Yeah, like what?" My stepfather said, "Well, you came out of your mother's pussy; I eat your mother's pussy. You used to suck on your mother's tits; now I suck on your mother's tits. Your mother used to smack you in the ass when you act up; now I smack your mom in the ass now. Your mother calls me daddy; now I am your new daddy."
Ur mum so fat that when she walked into a bar, they said, "Sorry, we don't sell food here."
An orphan once said, "I will call my mum and go home."
A homeless kid once said he will go home.
Roses are red, violets are blue, Pornhub is down, your mum's Facebook will do.
Why do I have to do the stupid joke, mum?
Me: "Cya"
Mom: "Where ya going?"
Me: "The orphanage to make yo mama jokes."
Mum: ...
Kid: Aye, Mum, I'mma do something Dad could never do.
Mum: And that is?
*Kid walks out.*
*Kid comes back in with milk.*
Mum: I'mma beat ya ass!
My mum told me to do the dog poo, but I couldn't find you anywhere.
Why didn’t the orphan celebrate their birthday?
Because they didn’t have a mom to birth them.
The little camel asks his mother: "Mum, why do we have these big humps?"
"Because in these humps there is some water, and in the hot desert we can drink."
"And Mum, why do we have this large fur?"
"Because the desert at night is so cold, and then we don’t feel cold."
"And Mum, why do we got these big hoofs?"
"Because the desert sand is hot, and the hoofs save us from the hot sand."
"But Mum, what the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo?"
Roses are red, violets are black, your mum's so fat she sold her son for 10 Big Macs.
Your mum (mom) so fat, she wore a yellow T-shirt, they said "Taxi!"
Your mum is so fat that when she looks in the mirror, the mirror cracked!
Pregnant teen: I'm pregnant, my mum's gonna kill me.
Unborn baby: My mum's gonna kill me.
Your mum is so fat that when she wore a yellow coat people called taxi!
Dog toys are getting out of control.
My mum's dog has a round bison bone.
Looks like he was chewing on Tracy Latimer's hip or something.
My mum's a carrot.