Mum jokes

If you have a daughter, give her the same name as the mum; that way when you call for a beer, you get two beers, and when you call for sex, you get two sex...

"Ur mum is big."

I'm ashamed to admit feeling proud of the rape joke I posted and what went on between me and your mum.

Why didn't the orphan do the work?

Because when the teacher says they would call your mum or dad, there's nobody to call.

I caught my mom licking up and down and deep throating a banana. I said, "Why are you doing that?" She replied, "I’m doing it for practice for who could suck the best dick contest in the neighborhood."

I see a poor guy. Mini me be like- mama, can I give my spare money to him? 🤗 And my mum says yes, so I give my money and home feeling SO NICE, while MY MOM knows he's going to spend it on DRUGS. We go back tomorrow and then after we go to the same place and then I see him with drugs.

Me- what I think fck what I do 😭.

What is a queef?

Something your mum did in bed last night. 😩😩😩🍑🍑🍑🌬️🌬️🌬️🌪️🌪️🌪️

I saw an orphan on the street. I said, "Where are your parents?" He cried and said, "My mum and dad died in a car crash!" 😆😆😂😂🤣

Your mum is so fat that when she sat on the toilet, she couldn't because her fat ass can't fit on the toilet seat.

If someone is mean to an orphan just say, "I will call your mum," and make them cry even more.

Your mum is so fat, she eats every meal from KFC, Maccas, Hungry Jacks all at once!

I walk in on my mum and she's in the middle of pulling off my dad's boxers. I said, "Mum, you really spoil those dogs!"

What did the orphan's mum say before she abandoned her child?

OH it's a bitch.

Why does my mum eat carrots?

What’s the difference between your mum and your nan?

Your nan's a GILF!

Your mum's so fat that when she goes to KFC, they run out of stock of chicken.

Little Johnny's neighbor just had a baby. He got invited to dinner with his neighbor. Little Johnny's dad said if he mentioned "ears" he will get a spank.

So Johnny looked in the bassinet. They were talking about the new baby. Johnny's mum said, "What beautiful eyes."

"That is great," said little Johnny, "because he will be stuffed if he needed glasses."

What is the definition of clapped?

Ur mum when I am in her bed.

When a man sleeps with a lot of women, he's called a stud. When a woman sleeps with a lot of men, she's called your mum.

I was absolutely fuming when I found out my mate was rifling through my mum's knicker drawer.

No one goes in there without my permission!