Much jokes

What did mommy spider say to baby spider?

You spend too much time on the web.

I love bread so much that I might join a bread cult.

Bestie Hannah heard that bestie Iz had a migraine! What did she do? She said, "My grains don’t hurt that much, at least not when the animals eat them!"

I don't get why bakers aren't wealthier. They make so much dough.

How much do 2000 pounds of Chinese noodles weigh? Won Ton.

"Oh daddy," the kid said. "I love you so much!"

"Hey," the man responded. "Until we get the DNA test results, I'm just Harry to you!"

A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender replies, "For you? No charge!"

Go up to your friend and say: "It smells like updog."

They will likely reply: "What's updog?"

To which you reply: "Nothing much, what about you?"

So an orphan goes to the store and gets a bunch of cartons of milk.

The cashier goes, "Woah, why so much?"

The orphan goes, "My dad never came back with the milk, so, well, here we are!"

Yo, look, they give me and my girl free pizza and a big bottle of rabbit wine. Yay, yay! Don't drink too much of it; you might turn into a wine rabbit.

What does Michael Jackson and caviar have so much in common?

They both come on little white crackers.

Why do orphans cry so much?

They can’t find a place to go.

My girlfriend said she's having a horrible time with her period. I ask her which one, but realize she's not talking about school...

We don't see each other very much.

A guy is bankrupt, so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can. So the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A prostitute walks by and says, "I'll fuck you for $10." The boy says, “I would, but I don't have any money.” She says, “Ok, I'll take the duck instead.” He says ok, so they go upstairs and fuck.

The prostitute says, “That’s the best sex I've ever had. I'll give you the duck back and we can do it again.” So they do and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs, the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home, his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says, well, I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and $25 for a fucked up fuck.

It doesn’t make much sense why autistic kids run down the hall screaming racecar noises.

I mean, they aren’t in wheelchairs, so I don’t know why they do it.

Little Johnny was late to school one day, and Miss Brown asks, "Johnny, how come you're late to class?" And Johnny says, "Miss, you wouldn't believe it. The farmer's bull got out and started fucking the white cow." Miss Brown said, "Johnny, don't use that word. Next time you want to say that, use the word 'surprised'."

The next day Johnny was late again, and Miss Brown said, "Johnny, why are you late?" And Johnny replied, "Miss, you wouldn't believe it. The farmer's bull got out and 'surprised' the white cow." Miss Brown said, "That's much better, Johnny." And Johnny said, "Yeah, walked straight passed it and started fucking the black one."

So, you're human, huh? Well, I'm a skeleton, so not much gets under my skin.

Calling you an idiot would be an insult to stupid people. You're much worse than that.

Mexican jokes and black jokes are pretty much the same.

Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck?

If a woodchuck could chuck wood?

As much wood as a woodchuck could chuck,

If a woodchuck could chuck wood.