Much jokes
God loved you so much that He gave you one face and started clearing off a place for another.
What is a kind thing to say to someone and what is a rude thing to say to someone?
Kind thing to say to someone: You are the most perfect you there is. Your outlook on life is amaz- (BLAH, BLAH, BLAH ENOUGH!)
Rudist thing to say too someone: You more uglyer than my mama's boyfriend. You are a son of a b word! Okay that is so much rude and why you can say that to a tree but anyway not the point. Bonus: The world's most weirdest name to say to a girl, is Nutter butter, we know that's a weird *and* stupid name because she is not nutter or butter she is a person not a thing! Oh well bye!!!!
I'm happy that I named my dog "I Know What You Did." It's funny to see how much people get scared when I call him.
My friend Amir didn’t have the greatest driving record because of all the car crashes he got in. He only crashed his plane once in a building, so he had a much better flying record.
Ok, I found this off of an internet meme, this isn't original:
*grabbing kid* Harambe: Ok kid, I don't have much time, but Obama's last name is- *gunshot*
I love bread so much that I might join a bread cult.
What do you call a fat Chinese person that talks way too much? Panda Express.
What did mommy spider say to baby spider?
You spend too much time on the web.
I don't get why bakers aren't wealthier. They make so much dough.
So an orphan goes to the store and gets a bunch of cartons of milk.
The cashier goes, "Woah, why so much?"
The orphan goes, "My dad never came back with the milk, so, well, here we are!"
Go up to your friend and say: "It smells like updog."
They will likely reply: "What's updog?"
To which you reply: "Nothing much, what about you?"
Your mama can't walk up the stairs because she eats too much chips.
Why do orphans like milk so much?
Because they got no milk as a baby.
Little Johnny walked into an ice cream shop and asked: "Do you have chocolate filled ice cream?"
The man replies: "We are out of that, sorry, we are almost out of every single flavor, do you want me to get you a vanilla filled one?"
Johnny replies: "Sure."
After that, the man asks for Johnny's phone and goes to back of the store. 5 minutes later, the man comes with an ice cream and Johnny's phone.
Johnny asks: "How much for the ice cream?"
The man replies: "Nothing, it's on the house."
After Johnny ate his delicious ice cream, he searched for his watch history. And then Johnny realized the flavor of the ice cream.
Why do women like Pac-Man so much?
How else can you get eaten three times for a quarter?
My girlfriend said she's having a horrible time with her period. I ask her which one, but realize she's not talking about school...
We don't see each other very much.
Talking about planets with my nephew.
He asked if you could plow thru Uranus because it's all gas.
Why do orphans play GTA so much?
Because they can be wanted for once.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a trash bag?
There's a limit to how much trash goes in the trash bag.
I miss school so much.