Funny

Kind and Rude things to say to someone. Kenya and Tenya.

What is a kind thing to say to someone and what is a rude thing to say to someone? Kind thing to say to someone: You are the most perfect you there is. Your outlook on life is amaz- (BLAH, BLAH, BLAH ENOUGH!) Rudist thing to say too someone: You more uglyer than my mama’s boyfriend. You are a son of a b word! Okay that is so much rude and why you can say that to a tree but anyway not the point. Bonus: The worlds most weirdest name to say to a girl, is Nutter butter, we know thats a weird and stupid name because she is not nutter or butter she is a person not a thing! Oh well bye!!!

Blue

watersharky

-Heather-By-Conan Gray and watersharky-Remix- I still remember the third of December, me in your sweater You said it looked better on me than it did you Only if you knew how much I liked you But I watch your eyes as she Walks by What a sight for sore eyes Brighter than the blue sky She’s got you mesmerised while I die Why would you ever kiss me? I’m not even half as pretty You gave her your sweater, it’s just polyester But you like her better Wish I were Heather Watch as she stands with her, holding your hand Put your arm 'round her shoulder, now I’m getting colder But how could I hate her, she’s such an angel But then again, kinda wish she were dead as she Walks by What a sight for sore eyes Brighter than the blue sky She’s got you mesmerised while I die Why would you ever kiss me? I’m not even half as pretty You gave her your sweater, it’s just polyester But you like her better I wish I were Heather Oh, I wish I were Heather Oh, oh, wish I were Heather Why would you ever kiss me? I’m not even half as pretty You gave her your sweater, it’s just polyester But you like her better Wish I were-

Wait

My teachers told me I’d never amount to much because I procrastinate so much. I told them, “Just you wait!”

Bartender

Anonymous

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, “Bartender, how much do I owe you?”

The bartender replies, “For you, neutron, no charge.”

Music

ViolinKid

So, I tell my friend a pun about Bach. She freaks out. Then I say, I hope that wan’t to much to (Handel), (Dont) let it (Strauss) you out. For all of my musicians out there!

Depression

Anonymous

My friend said why do you have depression there is so much happiness in the world and I said why do you have asma there is so much air in the world

Twin Towers

Well that was a blow up

The view is so much better without those twins covering the city

-well that was a blow up

Breakfast

Anonymous

It was 7:00am when Billy ran downstairs after a long night of sleep, he got to the kitchen where his mother and father sat, “What would you like for breakfast?” Billy’s mom asked politely, Billy replied with “whatever dad gave you last night in your bedroom would be great! You seemed to like it very much!”

Orphan

Anonymous

why do orphans play GTA5 so much

So they could be wanted

McDonald's

Anonymous

You walk into a mcdonalds and you ask for some extra mayo and they put to much on there. I say I didn’t order a Mc cumshot

2

Mathematician

Anonymous

The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumeference. He acquired his size from too much pi

School

blahaorder66

There were 30 high school seniors taking finals, and once they finished, the teacher, Mrs Jones walked up and down the classroom to collect the tests, and asked “so, are you guys ready for college?” And Brian answered “no way. School is just a waste of time, every day taking seven cruel hours of our lives.” Angela replied “never! Like Brian said, school is just a waste of time, and the next level is surely not worth paying $50,000 for. Besides, math class is mental abuse to humans!” And Jack said “school has been a waste of so much time I’ll never get back, and after these finals I’ve realized…fuck, I never actually learned shit!”

Adoption

A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew tumed up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family’s 5.year.old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and ll spent much of each day observing the workers. Eventually the construction crew, more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. 'mey chatted with her, let her slt with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little lobs to do here and there to make her feel Important. At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a poy envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her $1 0 'pay ’ to the bank the next day to start a savings account When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally Impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, ‘l worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us.’ ‘Oh, my goodness gracious,’ said the teller, ‘and will you be working on the house again this week, too?’ The little girl replied, 'l will, it those assholes at Lowe’s ever deliver the tucking sheet rock ’

Stand

FalcieAdam

A man finds his son climbing the roof of his house. The kid kept using all sort of material to climb up, but the dad didn’t pay much attention. Next day the kid went to the state tower, and kept climbing using some adhesive gloves. The dads asks his son for a second time: " Son! why are you doing this?" the son replies: “You told me to aim up high”.

Rock

Anonymous beeing

rocks are used to much people take em for granite

Son

Anonymous

Son: Daddy,Why this red soup is so much sweet? Because your mother had diabetes

2

Pocket

Carter014

A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says “well all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket”. So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says “dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”

Means

Gran autismo

It doesn’t make much sense why autistic kids run down the hall screaming racecar noises. I mean, they aren’t in wheelchairs so I don’t know why they do it

3

Democrat

Crazy Cat Lady

My Cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the Dr. once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her. She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day. I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my Cat is a Democrat!

Roll

Anonymous

I know why stephen hawking loves transformers so much now.

Autobots, “Roll” Out.