Much jokes
A nucleus walked into a bar. He asked the bartender, “How much for a drink?” The bartender replied, “For you, NO CHARGE!”
How much pussy does a priest get? None.
How much do 2000 pounds of Chinese noodles weigh? Won Ton.
What does Michael Jackson and caviar have so much in common?
They both come on little white crackers.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"Father replied, "I don't know, son. I'm still paying."
Pretty much
How much alcohol does JFK prefer to drink?
3 shots.
I once called a depressed guy [to ask] why he loves ropes so much, and he left HUNGing on the phone. (I'm not English, so I could've talked bad.)
My grandpa said, "You kids rely on too much electronics." I said, well we will see about that. *unplugging life support* me: *oops*
I'm actually against abortion.
Just go to the car wash and tell 'em you ate too much red pasta!
Why can't emos work at a restaurant? Because they cut too much.
A teacher says, "If you have one dollar and your parents give you 5 dollars, how much do you have?"
Everyone raised their hands except for a little girl in the front, but the teacher called on her anyway.
The girl said, "My parents left me, so I would have one dollar."
Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?
A: By how much he's coffin.
How much work does a skeleton get done?
A SKELE-TON!
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.
Why do the orphans love going to the bakery down the street so much? Because their cookies are homemade.
Why do goalkeepers have so much money in the bank?
Because they are really good at saving.
Why did the orphans like church so much?
So they had someone to call father...
What's the difference between you and an idiot? Not very much if you reword and post the same joke over and over.
Why does Sans like puns so much? Probably because he finds them humorous.
The maid asked her boss, the wife, for a raise, and the wife was upset.
The wife asked, "Why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"
Maid: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Maid: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Maid: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Maid: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Maid: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you."
Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?"
Maid: "No, the gardener did."
Wife: "So how much do you want?"