Much jokes
Go up to your friend and say: "It smells like updog."
They will likely reply: "What's updog?"
To which you reply: "Nothing much, what about you?"
My girlfriend said she's having a horrible time with her period. I ask her which one, but realize she's not talking about school...
We don't see each other very much.
One day whilst walking up a hill, Jack saw a prostitute named Jill. Jill was dressed in kinky, leather gear that made Jack really, really horny.
Jack, who hadn't stuck it in for a few weeks, was keen to ask this sexy young maiden how much she would charge. "1 buck for a suck, 2 buck for a fuck," she said as she stroked his ever-hardening one-eyed snake.
"Yeah, I'll have both of them," said Jack, who was about to cum in his trousers. So Jill led Jack to behind the well, and they sucked and fucked for an hour. After that, they both contracted AIDS and died of it, as they did not see a doctor. THE END
Why do orphans like boomerangs so much?
Because they come back.
Emo girls be like, "How much am I worth? I don't know. Scan the code on your wrist."
People are really upset with the Trump-Biden debate.
So much so, that Chris Wallace has requested to change his name.
Today I was asked if I was in favor of legalizing prostitution.
I admit I haven't given it much of a thot.
I used to have a girlfriend who would argue with me a lot for no reason. I look at her feet and say to her, "Here is £15, give yourself a foot pedicure, then come back to me. It clearly shows you have man feet. You are a woman; you should have woman feet. No wonder you boss me around too much as if you're the man of the house."
My young son saw Trump on TV. He asked, "Why is the man on TV painted orange?" I replied, "Son, when Russia pays that much for equipment, they don't want it to rust."
Why are Michael Jackson and caviar so much in common?
They both come on little white crackers.
Why do orphans like playing tennis so much?
Because it’s the only way they’ll ever get love.
What did mommy spider say to baby spider?
You spend too much time on the web.
"FUCK FUCK FUCK MY CLOTHES CAUGHT THE FLAME OH MY GOD IT BURNS SO MUCH!"
An orphanage is like a horse rescue. You rescue them, rehabilitate them, then sell them for as much as possible.
Yo mama eat so much that she threw up a thousand times and said, "Help me, son!"
Why do Inbred White Trash Racists talk so much shit?
Answer: Because deep down inside, they KNOW that they are nothing but PATHETIC LOSERS!
So one time this really rich guy’s son’s birthday was coming up. So he asks his son what he wants. So the son says, "Can I have pink ping pong balls?" The father asks why, and his son stays silent.
The dad decides to get it for him. The dad doesn’t see the son ever do anything with them. A year later the dad asked him what he wants. The son then says, "Can I have 10,000 pink ping pong balls?" The dad then responds with, "Son, why? I gave you some last year, and this whole year you did not play with them." The son, yet again, stays silent. The Dad was reluctant to do it but did it anyway.
Now a few years later, the son is now 20, and his rich dad and him have not seen each other in a while. So the dad decides to celebrate his son's birthday. He asks his son once again what he wants, and his son says, "Can I have 10,000 pink ping pong balls?" His dad screams, "SON, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THESE BALLS!!! I NEVER SEE YOU WITH THEM, AND YET YOU STILL WANT MORE. WHAT THE HELL!!!" The son, yet again, stays silent. The dad, though a little pissed, decides to buy as much of the pink ping pong balls that he sees and gives it to his son. The son is happy but does not do anything.
Now after a while, the son is about 30, and he and the father are more distant than ever. The father gets a call from a hospital telling him that his son could die from a disease that only 2 people survived. So the father goes there and starts crying and grieving. Then he asks his son what he would like before he dies. The son then says, "Can you buy me all of the factories that produce pink ping pong balls?" His dad doesn’t question because he is too sad to and buys him the only factory that produces pink ping pong balls. Then the doctors put him in a wheelchair and follow the dad, and they take him to one of the pink ping pong ball factories, and the dad says, "Okay, son, I fulfilled what you wanted. But what have you done, and what do you plan to do with all of these pink ping pong balls?" The son, ignoring the question, says, "This is magnificent. My final wish is that I stay here overnight."
So the doctors and the father decide to, and everyone goes home to sleep. The next day, everyone returned to the factory to find all the pink ping pong balls gone and the son. The father was sad but a little angry and decided to search his whole house to find pink ping pong balls but doesn’t find any, and they search the whole factory for the son and the balls. And soon they end up searching the whole earth and never found him.
Crush: "How much do you love me?"
Me: "Well, look at the stars outside."
Crush: "But it's morning."
Me: "Exactly."
A teacher asked his students a math question.
"You have one dollar. Your parents give you five dollars. How much money do you have?"
After some thinking, about half the class raised their hands. The teacher called on a little girl in the front.
"One dollar!" she said.
I have a confession. I used to be a Christian.
Don’t bother me none, babe!
Awesome! I much prefer being a Christine!
“Hol up”