Much Jokes

Why is it that orphans love Frisbees so much?

Because they return eventually.

To Tina: Hi, love, you're my oldest and dearest friend. I will love you for as long as I live. I luvv you so much, my sweetest, dearest darling.

Hi Alex, you will probably not see this till the morning, but I just wanted to say I have had fun since you were here. Also, thank you so much for protecting me and being there for me. And yeah, have a good day!

At school in a classroom, the teacher asked the kid, “If you have one dollar and your parents give you five dollars, how much do you have?” Everyone raised their hand except one little girl.

How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? If you woodchuck on the world with that, you have a really deep in, and he says goodbye. When he says goodbye, you're like, "if you."

A screenshot of a text message conversation. The first message reads, "Bro I'm on twitter way too much. I'm genuinely obsessed." The second message, in blue, reads, "Why do you have 107 hours on Applebee's?" Above the text messages is a screen time report. Applebee's is listed as the most used app with 107 hours. Twitter is second with 10 hours and 21 minutes. Safari is third with 4 hours and 8 minutes. YouTube is fourth with 1 hour and 26 minutes.

How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take?

Enough to kill two and a half men.

Roses are red, Violets are fine. Why is your life So much better than mine?

What does Can do after eating its vegetables?

Go on eBay to see how much he can sell the wheelchair for.

What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?

I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.

Son asks dad, "How much does marriage cost?"

Dad: "I don’t know, son. I’m still paying for it."

I just prevented a 10-year-old from getting assaulted.

Nothing much, I just decided to go home.

Difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?

Nothing, no one cares how much lead is in those kids.

I don't get why bakers aren't wealthier. They make so much dough.

Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.

Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"

What’s the difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?

Nothing; no one cares how much lead is in the kids.

My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."

"John FK, he think he special car no top, everyone see like he on parade. Me, I stay hidden, secret style, no bullets find me. Much smar smarter, no? Scret lifestyle safety."