Much jokes
How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take?
Enough to kill two and a half men.
What did one sperm say to the other while swimming side by side?
One turns to the other and asks, "How much further to the fallopian tubes?"
The other says, "I’m not sure, we just passed the esophagus."
I said I’m losing my mind. My friend said, “You didn’t have much to begin with.”
What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?
I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.
My grandfather said that ppl rely on technology too much these days, so I thought about what he said and decided to unplug his life support.
My grandpa said this generation relies too much on tech, so I unplugged his life support.
Roses are red, Violets are fine. Why is your life So much better than mine?
Son asks dad, "How much does marriage cost?"
Dad: "I don’t know, son. I’m still paying for it."
What’s the difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?
Nothing; no one cares how much lead is in the kids.
What is the difference between a Libertarian and a dumb polack?
Not much difference.
Difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?
Nothing, no one cares how much lead is in those kids.
Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.
Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"
My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."
I don't get why bakers aren't wealthier. They make so much dough.
"John FK, he think he special car no top, everyone see like he on parade. Me, I stay hidden, secret style, no bullets find me. Much smar smarter, no? Scret lifestyle safety."
I was sitting in class, and the teacher said he wasn't disappointed in me and my best friend, but not so much in me.
I looked at my best friend and said, "I'm a disappointment to the teacher, too."
I love bread so much that I might join a bread cult.
One person said you are much more beautiful than Cinderella. The next day, you're in court and Cinderella is the witness.
(P.S. she was born to be a drama queen.)
Why is it that orphans love Frisbees so much?
Because they return eventually.
At school in a classroom, the teacher asked the kid, “If you have one dollar and your parents give you five dollars, how much do you have?” Everyone raised their hand except one little girl.