Much jokes

It doesn’t make much sense why autistic kids run down the hall screaming racecar noises.

I mean, they aren’t in wheelchairs, so I don’t know why they do it.

"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."

I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014, at 10:37 AM.

What does Cangaball do after eating its vegetables?

Go on eBay to see how much he can sell the wheelchair for.

What did mommy spider say to baby spider?

You spend too much time on the web.

Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?

Doctor: Ten.

Man: Weeks? Months? Days?

Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...

You know how there were like... two towers. I had so much fun playing Jenga in those planes! I WON!!!!!

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they just sit in the dark and cry.

Go up to your friend and say: "It smells like updog."

They will likely reply: "What's updog?"

To which you reply: "Nothing much, what about you?"

So, you're human, huh? Well, I'm a skeleton, so not much gets under my skin.

A Scotsman at the hairdresser: "How much is a haircut?"

"Six pounds."

"And shaving?"

"Three pounds."

"Good, then shave my head."

If at first you don't succeed, oh well, so much for skydiving.

A 9-year-old girl lies on a hospital bed struggling to breathe as she waits for the doctor to come.

The doctor finally comes, and the little girl can breathe much easier after he pulls his cock out of her mouth.

Trump cheated so much he cheated himself out of an election!

The view is so much better without those twins covering the city.

Well, that was a blow up!

I know why Stephen Hawking loves Transformers so much now.

Autobots, "Roll Out!"

22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.

31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.

Why do basketball players love cookies so much?

Because they can dunk them!

What do a bungee jump and a hooker have in common?

They’re both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you’re pretty much screwed.

Q: Why do I like bone jokes so much?

A: Because they are humerus.

How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take?

Enough to kill two and a half men.