Much jokes

Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?

Doctor: Ten.

Man: Weeks? Months? Days?

Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...

You know how there were like... two towers. I had so much fun playing Jenga in those planes! I WON!!!!!

Go up to your friend and say: "It smells like updog."

They will likely reply: "What's updog?"

To which you reply: "Nothing much, what about you?"

So, you're human, huh? Well, I'm a skeleton, so not much gets under my skin.

What did mommy spider say to baby spider?

You spend too much time on the web.

What does Cangaball do after eating its vegetables?

Go on eBay to see how much he can sell the wheelchair for.

Friend: Why do you like Minecraft so much?

Me: Because I love miners!

Trump cheated so much he cheated himself out of an election!

The view is so much better without those twins covering the city.

Well, that was a blow up!

I know why Stephen Hawking loves Transformers so much now.

Autobots, "Roll Out!"

A Scotsman at the hairdresser: "How much is a haircut?"

"Six pounds."

"And shaving?"

"Three pounds."

"Good, then shave my head."

If at first you don't succeed, oh well, so much for skydiving.

A 9-year-old girl lies on a hospital bed struggling to breathe as she waits for the doctor to come.

The doctor finally comes, and the little girl can breathe much easier after he pulls his cock out of her mouth.

22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.

31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.

What do a bungee jump and a hooker have in common?

They’re both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you’re pretty much screwed.

Why do basketball players love cookies so much?

Because they can dunk them!

Q: Why do I like bone jokes so much?

A: Because they are humerus.

What is the difference between a Libertarian and a dumb polack?

Not much difference.

I was sitting in class, and the teacher said he wasn't disappointed in me and my best friend, but not so much in me.

I looked at my best friend and said, "I'm a disappointment to the teacher, too."

I love bread so much that I might join a bread cult.