Kid

FREEZER

kid; but mom I don’t want to go to the movies mom; SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND CLEAN MY ROOM YOU DONT HAVE A CHOISE

Bar

construction suicide

i am a reverse rapper because i put bars in my mouth

Woman

Anonymous

How do you stop a heterosexual woman from sucking your dick? piss inside her mouth

Kid

FREEZER MAN

kid; I don’t want to go to the movies mom; shut your mouth and clean my ROOM

Drunk

Kejel

Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer but they only had 2 dollars each. Christopher got an idea and run away to the butcher and see if he got something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.

  • Are you crazy?! Said Tony to Christopher. ‘We don’t have any money!’
  • Take it easy now, said Christopher. 'I have a plan.' When they finnished drink everything up christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth. The bartender saw what they did and throw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub. After the 10th pub said Tony: I can’t do this anymore. I am drunk and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk.
  • How do you think i feel? Said Christopher exhausted. ’ I dropped the sausage in the 3th pub!’

Name

Gamer

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill’s candy but Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock ‘cause Jill’s real name is Randy. Yes, this joke is stolen.

Light

Anonymous

So a mom and a dad take their son to a therapist. “What seems to be the problem?” The therapist asked. “Our son thinks he’s a refrigerator!” They said. So the therapist replies, “oh dear, that must be a problem.” “Yeah, he sleeps with his mouth open and the light is really bright.”

Son

An0y1

My son said that bully needs a pounding then i say Yeah right that is what i said and did to your mother.My son opens his mouth and freezes i guess he knew what i was talking about.

Fitness

Anonymous

Do you know Candice? Candice dick fit in your mouth!

Fat

Anonymous

Fat people are thristy so I piss in their mouth

Morning

retired grocer

I was out ice fishing, and had no nibbles all morning. About noon, this old guy comes out, drills a hole near mine, and starts catching fish as fast as he can bait the hook. I was getting frustrated without any luck, so I went over to ask him his secret. He said “Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg.” I said “Excuse,me, I didn’t get that?” so he mumbles even louder, “Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg!” I shook my head and said “I’m sorry, but I still didn’t understand what you said.” Frustrated, the man spits out a wad out of his mouth and says “YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE WORMS WARM!”

Man

Anonymous

A man walks into a bar with an alligator. he says to the bartender “I have a deal, if i can hold my dick in the alligators mouth for a minute without it biting, you owe me one drink” and so the bartender agreed. the man, like he said, had his dick in the alligators mouth for one minute without it biting, and the bartender gave him a drink. he made another deal, but for two minutes and for two drinks. sure enough, he was able to do it and he drank his drinks. then he did it for five minutes and five drinks. he did it and drank his drinks. then he said to the amazed crowd, “would anyone like to volunteer?” one man raised his hand. he walked up to the man with the alligator and said, “just a warning, i don’t think i can hold my mouth open that long.”

Difference

Anonymous

What’s the difference between jam and jelly?

You can’t jelly your cock into a girl’s mouth.

Nut

Anonymous

Me:what’s that girls name from phinease and ferb the sister Crush:candice Me:candice dick fit in your mouth Crush: slaps me Walks away

Ear

Like shomphe

What do you call a animal with 3 eyes 2 mouth 6 noses and 4 ears

Poor

irony house

why are cheetahs the best animals? The cheetah is the fastest land animal in the world. They can reach a top speed of around 113 km per hour. A cheetah can accelerate from 0 to 113 km in just a few seconds. Cheetahs are extremely fast however they tire quickly and can only keep up their top speed for a few minutes before they are too tired to continue. Cheetahs are smaller than other members of the big cat family, weighing only 45 – 60 kilograms. One way to always recognise a cheetah is by the long, black lines which run from the inside of each eye to the mouth. These are usually called “tear lines” and scientists believe they help protect the cheetah’s eyes from the harsh sun and help them to see long distances. Cheetahs are the only big cat that cannot roar. They can purr though and usually purr most loudly when they are grooming or sitting near other cheetahs. While lions and leopards usually do their hunting at night, cheetahs hunt for food during the day. A cheetah has amazing eyesight during the day and can spot prey from 5 km away. Cheetahs cannot climb trees and have poor night vision. With their light body weight and blunt claws, cheetahs are not well designed to protect themselves or their prey. When a larger or more aggressive animal approaches a cheetah in the wild, it will give up its catch to avoid a fight. Cheetahs only need to drink once every three to four days.

Taste

Anonymous

Why do feminists eat so much pussy? to get the taste of dick out of their mouths does it cycle now you stupid bitches

Roast

Anonymous

If You’re In A Roast Battle With A Homophobe And They Are Talking Mad Shit Just Say:

“The only thing looser than your mouth is your asshole!”

Puns

Anonymous

How do you eat a meat?

  • you steak it in your mouth

Wife

PK Thandra

Why does this Stingray’s wife can’t stop babbling? Cause, she can’t watch her mouth.

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