Mother's jokes

Today, my mother was making breakfast. As she was tired, my brother asked if there was anything to do today.

She responded with a list:

- Take out the trash.

- Clean your room.

- Make lunch and be sure to butter the electrical sockets.

That’s all sweetie!

You're so ugly, your mother thought about setting you up for adoption.

Old soviet joke.

"Who is your mother?" "Our great Soviet country." "Who is your father?" "Our dear comrade Stalin." "What's your greatest desire?" "Becoming an orphan."

Mother: "Sweetie, make a Christmas wish."

Girl: "I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those naked girls in papa's computer."

I don't fuck my mother all day long. I fuck my mother for only 6 hours a day. Sometimes it's 7-8 hours. It depends on how busy my siblings and father are with their work.

"Gosh, it's raining cats and dogs," said Suzie, looking out of the kitchen window.

"I know," said her mother, "I've just stepped in a poodle!"

A young girl was playing in the park with her mother when she asked the question, "Mummy, what's that building over there?" The mother looked at the prison, smiled, and said, "That's where the cotton pickers live."

What do the initials "MAD" stand for?

Mothers Against Democrats.

I heard life was a gift. Well, I hope they kept the receipt, because I'd like a mother-fucking refund!

Yesterday, a 5-year-old dyslexic boy almost saved his mother from drowning, but he kept dialing 119...

Why did John rape his mother? Because he wanted a brother to play Mario Kart with.

What's Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom? -- How I bought your mother.

Me: Mom, can I have some makeup?

Mom: No. You are beautiful just the way you are.

Me: So that’s why you wear makeup?

There are only 363 days in a year for orphans because Mother's Day and Father's Day don't count.

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Your mother." "Duh!"

A woman prayed to be a mother everyday for many years until she crossed a road without looking and got hit by a woman driver and died.

When she met God, she asked Him, "How come you didn't answer my prayers?"

God replied, "I did. I kept sending men to rape you, but you kept on choosing to destroy my creations by having an abortion."

One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother's face through the oven window as we played hide and seek, and she said: "You're getting warmer!"

Why does an orphan only have 363 days in a year? Because they don’t have mothers' and Father’s Day.

Even your mother can never fix your hairline, just God.

A man dies and goes to Heaven. He sees a bunch of clocks and asks Jesus what they are for. He replied they are gauges, and that they move when people lie. He said that Mother Teresa's has moved twice, Abraham Lincoln's once, and George Washington's never.

The man asks to see the current president's, and Jesus just laughs and says that Joe Biden's is the one keeping the hurricanes to speed.