Mother's jokes

That poor kid, he was fine until I bought him a mother's day card for his mum. The second he saw it, he burst out crying...

In the French school, four sentences must be written. Fritz heard his mother say, "Close the door!"

Fritz went to his uncle and heard, "Yes, I'll put it there."

Then he came to his brother who said, "They call me Superman, hahaha!"

Finally, his sister looked at a photo and said, "Wow!"

The next day, the teacher said, "Okay, Fritz, it's your turn. Finish eating and take out the trash!" Fritz said, "Close the door!"

The teacher got angry and said, "I want to see the principal." Fritz replied, "Yes, my friend, I am leaving you."

The teacher asked, "I have forgotten your name, what is it?" Fritz said, "I'm Superman! I'm Superman! You're nothing!"

"Who do you think I am?" asked the teacher, who had become very angry. Fritz replied, "Wow!"

Superman has been called to a huge house fire. Superman: "There you are ma'am, everyone out and all safe!" Mother: "But my children are still inside! You need to go back an--" Superman: "Ah fuck'em..."

What's a energy drink orphans never tried? "Mother".

I asked my mother about her mom.

She said she was in a better place. After that, I asked her where that place is. She didn't know, so I sent her to a better place.

Michael J. Fox walks into the grocery store to buy some salt. When he comes out, a kid turns to his mother and says, "Look mom, a salt shaker!"

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, “No honey for you for one month!”

Later that afternoon, Johnny’s dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. “That’s it! No butter for you for one month!” says his dad.

Later that evening as Johnny’s mother cooks dinner, a cockroach runs across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her. Little Johnny looks at his father and says, “Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?”

Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?

Because they don’t have a “mother’s” or “father’s” day!

Orphan: What are you doing tonight?

Me: Your mum... oh wait, you don't have one.

The president of the USA is so damn stupid. His mother must have taken Tylenol while she was pregnant with him, or something.

According to a recent poll, your mother said, "I like the guy who saw the guy who doesn't have a brain!"

Men should provide their disobedient daughters with their own "milk" instead of letting them use the mother. That will teach those bitches some respect for men. It may even help them get laid later on in life.

If babies stay in their mothers for 9 months, are they not 9 months old when they are born?

If you ever get bored, tell an orphan to take two days off their calendar. If they ask why, say, "Because you're missing Father's Day and Mother's Day."

"When I was a child, my blind mother taught me hand jobs, like carpentry and painting with her legs."

Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.

"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."

"Oh, cool."

"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."

"Makes sense."

"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."

"Where's Trump's clock?"

"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."

And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.

Wanna know something the orphan could never do?

Wish anyone a happy Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.

Everyone: So, wait, let me get this straight. Feminists want to cancel Father's Day because it is offensive to single mothers.

Feminists: Correct.

Everyone: Then what the f*** is the point of Mother's Day?

Jack and Jill went down to hell to fetch your mother's bladder.

Her bladder broke. You two are soaked, and now you have a daughter, 'cause in that bladder was me!

My mother really hates my dad for some reason. Maybe it was because he cheated on her, or maybe because it was her mom. Either way, it really ruined her birthday.