Mortality jokes

Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.

Why can’t the T-Rex clap his hands?

Because he is DEAD.

Shit, I’m never gonna try to commit suicide again. I almost died!

I'd tell you a Kobe joke.

But I am afraid it wouldn't land well.

These jokes are nearly as dead as Steven Hawkings.

While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.

Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!

Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.

You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.

You know every time we think of sex, an angel dies.

We ran out of dead people hundreds of years ago.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

How are you and an orphan similar?

Both of your fathers are invisible.

I would go suck some titties, but I’d rather die from being shot than cancer.

Bleach solves so many problems: stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation.

Cemeteries are so popular! People are, like... dying to get there.

Why are cigarettes good for the environment?

They kill people.

🗣: "Stop making suicide jokes!"

"Don't worry bro, I'll end it soon."

Yeah man! Life is wonderful! But, when you realize all of the ones you loved were fake.

And when you die, does your online friends notice? How will they notice? Or will they ever notice? Is 13 age too young for dying? Am I just paranoid? I'm scared.

How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?

Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.

What you call suicide, I call a failed speedrun attempt.

Did you hear about the cemetery? I heard that people are dying to be there.

I’m taken, taken my own life, bitch!

I have a fish that can break dance. Only for about 20 seconds, and only once.