Mortality jokes

Shit, I’m never gonna try to commit suicide again. I almost died!

Why can’t the T-Rex clap his hands?

Because he is DEAD.

I'd tell you a Kobe joke.

But I am afraid it wouldn't land well.

These jokes are nearly as dead as Steven Hawkings.

You know every time we think of sex, an angel dies.

We ran out of dead people hundreds of years ago.

Dark humor never gets old, just like children with cancer.

Why did the Emo Chicken cross the road?

To get hit by a car.

Why are cigarettes good for the environment?

They kill people.

🗣: "Stop making suicide jokes!"

"Don't worry bro, I'll end it soon."

I’m taken, taken my own life, bitch!

What you call suicide, I call a failed speedrun attempt.

Yeah man! Life is wonderful! But, when you realize all of the ones you loved were fake.

And when you die, does your online friends notice? How will they notice? Or will they ever notice? Is 13 age too young for dying? Am I just paranoid? I'm scared.

How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?

Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.

I would go suck some titties, but I’d rather die from being shot than cancer.

Cemeteries are so popular! People are, like... dying to get there.

Bleach solves so many problems: stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation.

Did you hear about the cemetery? I heard that people are dying to be there.

I have a fish that can break dance. Only for about 20 seconds, and only once.

Chuck Norris is so immortal, even he killed Death.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.