Mortality jokes

These jokes are nearly as dead as Steven Hawkings.

While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.

Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!

Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.

You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.

You know every time we think of sex, an angel dies.

We ran out of dead people hundreds of years ago.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

I would go suck some titties, but I’d rather die from being shot than cancer.

Yeah man! Life is wonderful! But, when you realize all of the ones you loved were fake.

And when you die, does your online friends notice? How will they notice? Or will they ever notice? Is 13 age too young for dying? Am I just paranoid? I'm scared.

How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?

Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.

What you call suicide, I call a failed speedrun attempt.

I’m taken, taken my own life, bitch!

🗣: "Stop making suicide jokes!"

"Don't worry bro, I'll end it soon."

Why are cigarettes good for the environment?

They kill people.

Cemeteries are so popular! People are, like... dying to get there.

Bleach solves so many problems: stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation.

Did you hear about the cemetery? I heard that people are dying to be there.

I have a fish that can break dance. Only for about 20 seconds, and only once.

Chuck Norris is so immortal, even he killed Death.

I've thought about suicide, but there's always been a part of me that knows I wouldn't be able to live with the decision.

Grandma: Most people your age have a family and are married. Why aren’t you?

Grandchild: Most your age are dead. Why aren’t you?

Why did the Emo Chicken cross the road?

To get hit by a car.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because he got hit by a car.