Mortality jokes

My dad and cancer go into a fight. I never saw my dad after that.

Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?

-You have to be alive to have autism.

Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.

Shit, I’m never gonna try to commit suicide again. I almost died!

Why can’t the T-Rex clap his hands?

Because he is DEAD.

I'd tell you a Kobe joke.

But I am afraid it wouldn't land well.

You know every time we think of sex, an angel dies.

We ran out of dead people hundreds of years ago.

Dark humor never gets old, just like children with cancer.

I've thought about suicide, but there's always been a part of me that knows I wouldn't be able to live with the decision.

Grandma: Most people your age have a family and are married. Why aren’t you?

Grandchild: Most your age are dead. Why aren’t you?

Why did the Emo Chicken cross the road?

To get hit by a car.

How are you and an orphan similar?

Both of your fathers are invisible.

I would go suck some titties, but I’d rather die from being shot than cancer.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because he got hit by a car.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

Why are cigarettes good for the environment?

They kill people.

🗣: "Stop making suicide jokes!"

"Don't worry bro, I'll end it soon."

Bleach solves so many problems: stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation.

Cemeteries are so popular! People are, like... dying to get there.

How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?

Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.