Mortality jokes
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
What do dark humor and kids with cancer have in common? They never get old.
Why is death taken so lightly?
Because anyone can take it.
People say that life is short.
I say... life is the longest thing we ever do.
My dad and cancer go into a fight. I never saw my dad after that.
Why is rape worse than death?
Because dead people get way more attention.
An apple a day, or you'll die anyway.
I've thought about suicide, but there's always been a part of me that knows I wouldn't be able to live with the decision.
I’m rather relaxed about death.
From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.
Hey, did you know that Stephen Hawking predicted the end of the world?
Well, not really. He predicted the end of *his* world.
I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.
Corona be like:
Eliminating half the population of boomers faster than Thanos.
*snap*
Dark jokes are like kids with cancer, They never get old.
More like so they can fuck him, am I right?
What's a dying person's least favorite app? TikTok.
A doctor walks up to a dying man and sadly says: "I'm sorry, the test shows you only have 10 more to live."
The man says "10!? 10 what!? Years? Weeks? Days? What?!!?"
The doctor calmly replies "Nine".
Did you hear the joke about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
Q: Give a man a day of therapy, he'll be sad for then and on.
A: Give a man a noose, he'll be sad for the rest of his life.
"It never gets old."
"Just like a sick kid!"