Mortality jokes

How are you and an orphan similar?

Both of your fathers are invisible.

I've thought about suicide, but there's always been a part of me that knows I wouldn't be able to live with the decision.

Grandma: Most people your age have a family and are married. Why aren’t you?

Grandchild: Most your age are dead. Why aren’t you?

"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because he got hit by a car.

Son: Dad, I have black skin and you have white skin, are you sure you're my parents?

Dad: Oh... well I never thought it would come to this, or to your head that you were kidnapped...

Son: Am I kidnapped?

Dad: Well, you're adopted, and if you want to see your biological parents, they’ll be waiting for you in heaven.

Principal: “Why did you have to skip class? Because of that detention!”

Kid: “Whatever!”

Principal: “Why did you have to swear? Because of that one demerit!”

Kid: “Doesn't matter!”

Principal: “Why did you yell at a teacher and throw a chair at them? Because of that you're suspended!”

Kid: “Oh well!”

Principal: “Why did you have to push a kid down the stairs and kill them? Because of that you're expelled!”

Kid: “I'm trying not to kill myself!”

What did the skeleton say to the genderless child? "You're fucking dead, mate."

If 80% of all suicides in the UK are males, and women want equality, then maybe they should just kill themselves.

I hope Death is a woman.

That way, it will never come for me.

What's the similarities between dark humor and cancer?

It's funnier when kids get it.

A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find God, he'll help you!"

Then the man said, "There’s only one way to get to God, and that is through Jesus. Have you, my friend, found him?"

Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?

-You have to be alive to have autism.

Why did the moderator of worstjokesever.com die?

He had a heart attack because he was a fat loser.

While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.

Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!

Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.

You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.

How do we know Stephen is dying in hell?

There’s a stairway to heaven.

What do dark humor and kids with cancer have in common? They never get old.

Dark jokes are like kids with cancer, They never get old.

Someone dies.

Q: Why did Sally drop her ice cream?

A: She got hit by a bus.