Mortality jokes
Did you know hospitals have an entire wing for free dead babies? It’s called the abortion center.
"I have good and bad news," the doctor said to his patient.
"Give me the good news first," the patient said.
"Your test results are back," the doctor said, "and you have only two days to live."
"That's the good news?" the patient exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"I've been trying to reach you for two days."
30 people died in a car wreck before they got to Heaven. God asked for one wish because they died in a tragic way. The first lady, she was obsessed with her looks, so she asked to be beautiful and God granted her wish. The next person didn't know what to wish for, so they wished for the same thing. The guy in the very back was laughing, having a grand old time. Then God got to the person before the last. He said the same, he wished to be beautiful. When God got to the last person, he said, "I want them all to be ugly again."
Why did Stephen Hawking make it to heaven?
He couldn't make it up the stairs.
Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day.
Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
I have a question: Does aging affect corpses, too?
Just asking to know if I still count as a pedophile or not!
What is the difference between Betty White and Paul Walker?
Betty didn’t reach 100 before she died.
What's the best thing about dead baby jokes?
They never get old.
Cemeteries are so popular! People are, like... dying to get there.
How do we know Stephen is dying in hell?
There’s a stairway to heaven.
What do you call a place where people die?
Rosshall Academy.
The more suicidal people there are, the fewer suicidal people there are.
Some guy came to me and said, "I'm your dad's friend. He asked me to pick you up."
*Laughing freaking hard* and told him, "Did you dig the grave?"
If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then half of the least dose would be a lifetime supply.
A child with cancer: "I want to be like you when I grow up." Doctor: "Oh, you're not going to grow up."
What’s the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn’t beat cancer.
What's the similarities between dark humor and cancer?
It's funnier when kids get it.
What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.
What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.
What starts with M and ends with arriage?
Miscarriage. Now we all know that joke never gets old, and you know what?
Neither does the child.
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