Mortality jokes

Grandma: Most people your age have a family and are married. Why aren’t you?

Grandchild: Most your age are dead. Why aren’t you?

Why did the Emo Chicken cross the road?

To get hit by a car.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because he got hit by a car.

How are you and an orphan similar?

Both of your fathers are invisible.

Leave a man on a plane, and he flies for a day.

Throw a man off a plane, and he flies for the rest of his life.

Son: Dad, I have black skin and you have white skin, are you sure you're my parents?

Dad: Oh... well I never thought it would come to this, or to your head that you were kidnapped...

Son: Am I kidnapped?

Dad: Well, you're adopted, and if you want to see your biological parents, they’ll be waiting for you in heaven.

Dark humor never gets old, just like children with cancer.

Principal: “Why did you have to skip class? Because of that detention!”

Kid: “Whatever!”

Principal: “Why did you have to swear? Because of that one demerit!”

Kid: “Doesn't matter!”

Principal: “Why did you yell at a teacher and throw a chair at them? Because of that you're suspended!”

Kid: “Oh well!”

Principal: “Why did you have to push a kid down the stairs and kill them? Because of that you're expelled!”

Kid: “I'm trying not to kill myself!”

What did the skeleton say to the genderless child? "You're fucking dead, mate."

If 80% of all suicides in the UK are males, and women want equality, then maybe they should just kill themselves.

I hope Death is a woman.

That way, it will never come for me.

A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find God, he'll help you!"

Then the man said, "There’s only one way to get to God, and that is through Jesus. Have you, my friend, found him?"

Why did the moderator of worstjokesever.com die?

He had a heart attack because he was a fat loser.

How do we know Stephen is dying in hell?

There’s a stairway to heaven.

What do dark humor and kids with cancer have in common? They never get old.

Dark jokes are like kids with cancer, They never get old.

Someone dies.

Q: Why did Sally drop her ice cream?

A: She got hit by a bus.

What falls first, the emo or the leaf? The leaf. The emo was hanging.

Obesity kills thousands of times more Americans than shooting does, which teaches us an important lesson:

Shooters do poorly given the size of their targets.