Mortality jokes
Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.
We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.
People want to be nice to each other because they only have one life, and they want to live it well.
Sucks to be them. I'm a cat.
What's the same about dark humor and kids with cancer?
They never get old.
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
A guy goes in to get some tests done. The doctor comes out and says, "I got good news and bad news." The guy says, "Ok, let's get the bad news out of the way." The doctor says, "The tests came back positive. You got two weeks to live." The guy says, "Oh My God!! Then what the hell is the good news?" Doctor says "You see that nurse over there, the one with the big tits? I'm screwin' her."
At weddings, old people tell kids, "You're next!"
At funerals, little kids tell old people, "You're next!"
What's the same about "Make a Wish Program" and "Dark Jokes"?
They never get old.
Sometimes I look in the mirror and go, "What happened?"
What's hard about walking through a bunch of dead babies?
My dick.
Suicidal people are groundbreaking.
Q: Give a man a day of therapy, he'll be sad for then and on.
A: Give a man a noose, he'll be sad for the rest of his life.
What's the best thing about dead baby jokes?
They never get old.
The good thing about dead baby jokes is that they never get old.
There is a thin line between death and life!
You won't live to see it.....
The Cardiogram will!!
So, a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital, and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on.
Doctor: "So, your wife, she is paralyzed from the neck down."
And as the doctor goes on, he says all the things the man must do for her, like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says, "Why, WHY ME!"
Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the man's ear and says, "I'm just fuckin' with you, she's DEAD!"
"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"
"To the morgue."
"But I'm not dead yet!"
"But we're not there yet."
Dark humor is like a boy with cancer.
They never get old.
What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common? They never get old.
How is the world like dirt?
Because we don't think twice about it.
What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."