Morbidity Jokes

Morbid

There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, “Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween.”

Anonymous

If Martin Luther King was white, what would they call him?

Alive

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Anonymous

how do you suprise a blind guy. leave the plunger in the toilet

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AP16

My fondest childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather , that is until my mom took the urn away from me

Gavboy

My cousin died last week he needed a blood transfusion but we didnt know his blood type he just kept saying “b positive b positive” but its hard to be positive with him gone

person

“I hate going to weddings, because the old lady next to you always whispers in your ear, ‘You’re next.’ So I started doing the same to them at funerals, ‘You’re next.’”

Anonymous

What do you do when you finish a magazine at a hospital? Reload and keep shooting

Punk

My grandfather has the heart of a lion… And a lifetime ban from the zoo.

Anonymous

What do you take care of after a car crash? The witnesses

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Person

A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone. It’s either really terrible news or really great news.

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Anonymous

A condom and bungee jumping are exactly alike, if the rubber breaks, your f**ked.

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Harley

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.

Anonymous

I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.

Yggdrasil Crimson

I asked the doctor doing my prostate exam where i should put my pants. “next to mine” was not the answer i was expecting

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Anonymous

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

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Anonymous

Surveys say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. That means the 5th one likes it.

The Irish Outlaw

I believe “Self-Babtism” is a nice way of saying “Failed Suicide Attempt”

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Anonymous

When you going 80 mph and hit a speed bump Then the speed bump starts screaming

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Logan Paul

“I’m sorry” and “I apologise” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.

Anonymous

Today in math class we had to do an activity where we had to flip coins. The teacher said that we had to flip some coins, remove all of the heads, count them, and put the rest of the coins back in the cup and repeat until we had no coins left. I’m not sure what we were supposed to get out of that activity, but I got 15 dead bodies.

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