Man, don't you hate it when you hit a speed bump by an orphanage but then realize there's no speed bumps here...
Morbidity Jokes
What does the man say about his baby sister Lydia? "I hope she electrocutes herself!"
What’s red and goes 100 miles per hour?
Babies in a blender.
How do you spell racecar backwards?
racecar
How do you spell racecar sideways?
Paul Walker's death.
How do you give a redneck a circumcision?
You kick his sister in the jaw.
Son: Dad, what's a morbid joke?
Father: Walk over to a homeless man and throw a rock at him, then you will know.
Son: But Dad, I don't have arms or legs.
Father: Now you know.
Do you know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Do you know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?
Yes, I know the murderer, The muffin man, the murderer, Yes, I know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?
I went on a date last night and told my date I worked with animals every day.
She said, "Oh, how sweet. What do you do?" I said, "I'm a butcher."
Grandma isn’t responding. Close app, wait, cancel.
Which do you choose?
Q. What do filicide jokes and filicide victims have in common?
A. They never get old.
The patient said, "When will this be over?"
The doctor said, "After you die."
The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"
The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."
The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"
One time, Little Johnny heard his parents "wrestling" in their bed. So the next morning, he went to rape all the little girls in school. This then led to his demise.
No girls told on him, but when he grew up, he was a raper. He never stopped. In total, "little" Johnny had over 31 sons that he didn't know about. When he was sentenced to jail, he raped all the inmates despite his small figure. He was then sent to the death sentence, "eagle wing" torture style.
His parents were happy he died, and the morbid rapist was put down, never to return again. However, all the sons had his genes, including his MINDSET. They then became a cult and shot down 2014 cops, 471 military members and 72951 males and females. The kids, you ask? Only the males were spared, and taught how to operate the guns. All but 419 females were killed. They soon became the world's strongest empire. No one could stop Little Johnny's sons. NO ONE.
A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie? It’ll be fun.”
“Ok,” the mom and son reply happily.
“Let me start,” says the son.
“Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom.
“I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son.
“Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games,” says the mom.
“Your right!” He replies.
“I’ll go next,” says the dad. “I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.”
“Hmm... Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom,” Says the son.
“The lie is the second on,” says the dad.
I’ll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I’m a baker’s man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I’ll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you’re now worthless to me!
A morbid joke would be what's going on in my mind.
I had to give up my vegetarian diet.
Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.
What is black and white?
Probably Mexican history.
What's white as snow within 15-25 mins after death and then black and blue and red all over?
A corpse, of course!
How to get your joke on every category? Michael Jackson, towers, morbid, emo, school, short, penis, sects, little Jonny.
Why did half of the world go to hell?
Because they were laughing at morbid jokes.
(You've been warned!)
