Morbidity jokes
How does a depressed couple say goodbye on the phone?
"No, you hang yourself first..."
See, morbid humor is just like water, not everyone gets it.
The patient said, "When will this be over?"
The doctor said, "After you die."
The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"
The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."
The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"
Why can't my grandma talk?
Because she's dead.
Jake had sex and broke her hymen, guess he’s Jake the ripper.
What’s the best time to commit suicide?
8 a’glock in the morning.
A man gets arrested after writing "MORBID JOKES COMING OUT THIS TIME NEXT YEAR!" and "I'm gay!"
"Rock-a-bye baby on the treetop, When the wind blows, the baby will drop. Then the baby will lay on the ground, Not moving a muscle, not making a sound."
My grandmother said goodnight...
She never said good morning.
Your reflection.
Maude of ghostposter is a dumb Christian pussy-ass bitch. She's so fucking squeamish it's hilarious, although I hate her.
Why did half of the world go to hell?
Because they were laughing at morbid jokes.
(You've been warned!)
If I smiled one centimeter each time I watched someone I hated die, I'd look like the Cheshire Cat.
So my best friend’s boyfriend broke up with her, and she started to cry.
So I told her a ‘single’ joke. Then she said, "Go and f***ing die, you insensitive bitch!"
I later said, "Ugh, fine, as your BFF I will break his body for you. Happy now?"
She said, "Sniff, yes."
Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a while. But set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
More like so they can fuck him, am I right?
I don't get why people don't like my abortion jokes. Do they have a stick up their ass? Wait, that's the other hole.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
My jokes are like kids with cancer; they never get old.
Everyone in my class: "I can't wait until I have a family, I can't wait to study for my dream job."
My friends: "What's your dream job?"
Me: "I'm going to die young :))"