What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead bodies

I dont have a Lamborghini in my garage

“Hey today was great” “What happened” “I ran into my ex today” “What’s so great about that?” “I was in my car”

Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she didn’t have any arms.

Knock knock Who’s there? Not Susie.

I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.

Two kids were beating up a kid in an ally, so I stepped into help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.

My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister’s panties. I don’t know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearimg them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way it made the funeral a bit awkward.

“Dad, how do stars die?” – “Usually an overdose.”

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.

What’s yellow and can’t swim? A bus full of children

I saw an Isis video and I got the theme stuck in my head. I was humming it the next day at work when my Arab co-worker said, “soon, my brother.”

“I’m sorry” and “I apologise” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.

Where did Suzy go after getting lost on a minefield?

Everywhere

Surveys say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. That means the 5th one likes it.

My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like

Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike, there may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until i find one, i’m stuck here holding my rod

Grandpa: you can’t have phones within 15 feet of the table Me: and you aren’t allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school

Kids in the backseat make accidents and accidents in the back seat make kids.

When Jim was playing on his phone, my grandfather told him, “You use way too much technology!”. Jim then said, “No, YOU use too much technology!” and then Jim disconnected his grandfather’s life support.

To the man in the wheel chair who stole my camouflage jacket, You can hide but you cant run.

How do you make any salad into a caesar salad?

Stab it twenty three times.