Morbidity Jokes

darkjokelord669

If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave or does your mortician take it from you?

Sneakyjew

There are some sounds that everyone loves…

  • Shoes on gravel
  • Crackling of fire
  • The snapping necks of those who think they can disrespect you
  • Cats purring
The Special

My favorite quote will always be, “Sketchy candy is better than no candy”

  • One of the thousands of missing children
3
Alex

What to you call ot when a Mexican and a pedofile fight?

Alien vs Preditor

Bloodcurdling scream

I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere

Anonymous

i remember my grandfathers last words: “is that loaded?”

You Wouldn't Care Anyway

When the cannibal was late for dinner, he got the cold shoulder.

2
g and g jokes

I hate these double standards.

if you burn a body at a crematorium you’re "doing a good job" if you do it at home you’re “destroying evidence”

Anonymous

The more suicidal people there are the less suicidal people there are

(optional)

The Toaster;

other wise known as, the ultimate bath bomb.

Told by...

Who are the fastest readers?

911 victims. They went through 88 stories in 7 seconds.

Madison R.

A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.

The Special

Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver

Anonymous

Santa was asked to describe Mrs. Claus in three words.

His response was “Ho ho ho”

6
Reader

How did Helen keller’s mom punish her? She put her in a circular room and told her to find the corner.

Anonymous

Whats starts with M and end with arriage?

Miscarriage Now we all know that joke never gets old, and you know what?

Neither does the child

mclarathen

I named my dog 5 miles so when I walk him I can say I walked 5 miles random guy: I ran over 5 miles

2
Anonymous

Do gay midgets come out of the cabnit

Anonymous

To the man in the wheel chair who stole my camouflage jacket, You can hide but you cant run.

Bloodcurdling scream

At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.” Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”