Morbidity jokes

Are you a knife? Because I want you.

My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one.

She went mad, "What am I going to do with two dead dogs?"

Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. Not everyone gets it.

You and me went up to stab your father. He was out, do not pout. They are coming after.

Daddy, I really miss you. Mummy changed my name to Tickle Timpson. Anyway, daddy I forgive you for abusing me.

My grandmother said goodnight...

She never said good morning.

A child with cancer says, "Mother, what will I be when I grow up?"

Then the mother says, "Shut up, dick, you have cancer!" Hehehe.

Jake had sex and broke her hymen, guess he’s Jake the ripper.

How to get your joke on every category? Michael Jackson, towers, morbid, emo, school, short, penis, sects, little Jonny.

How do you give a redneck a circumcision?

You kick his sister in the jaw.

Maude of ghostposter is a dumb Christian pussy-ass bitch. She's so fucking squeamish it's hilarious, although I hate her.

A knife is like hallucinations, both in your head.

Why can’t you high five a Japanese person?

Because Logan Paul left him hanging.

If I smiled one centimeter each time I watched someone I hated die, I'd look like the Cheshire Cat.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends on how many you throw.

I don't get why people don't like my abortion jokes. Do they have a stick up their ass? Wait, that's the other hole.

What's the difference between drugs and children? I don't sell drugs.

I tried to make a necrophilia joke, but it was dead in the water.

Roses are red, violets are blue, my mom and dad died, next you'll be gone too.

See, morbid humor is just like water, not everyone gets it.