Morbid jokes
Would you like to try African food?
They would too.
I will always remember my grandpa's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
How do you start a rave? Throw a flash bang into an epileptic children's ward.
What's the difference between herpes and my dad?
Herpes stays around.
My pregnant wife said we were gonna name the kid Digiorno. She wouldn't tell me why until she got an abortion and told me, "It's not delivery, it's Digiorno."
Gary and Steve are having sex and the phone rings. Steve goes to answer the phone and tells Gary, "Hey, don't finish yourself until I get back." After returning from the other room, there is cum all over the bed and wall of the bedroom. "Jesus, Gary, I said not to finish yourself until I got back!" Gary turns to him and says, "I didn't, I farted."
What's the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.
My grandpa has a world record for holding his breath. He's been holding it for 6 years.
I keep looking for my girlfriend's killer, but no one wants to do it.
What did Jenny get for her birthday after a car accident?
An amputation.
After work, I volunteer to help blind children. Verb, not adjective.
How do you make any salad into a caesar salad?
Stab it twenty-three times.
What pool never runs dry?
The one on the Titanic.
Officer sees a man and he is seeing he is having trouble walking, so he asked him, "Sir, are you drunk?" The man responds, "No, sir, I'm not drunk." So the officer asks, "How high are you?" And the man responds, "No sir, it's 'Hi, how are you?'"
Do gay midgets come out of the cabinet?
What do you call a white man surrounded by black men? Coach.
How 9/11 Happened!:
Hey Bush, Truth or dare?
Asian pregnancy test: Stick a Rubik cube into vagina. Wait 30 seconds, if it's solved then there's a little Asian in there.
I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend.
She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.
A baby skunk's mother gets hit by a car, so the baby skunk doesn't know what he is.
So the baby skunk walks up to a baby bunny and asks, "What are you?" The baby bunny replies, "Well, I'm a baby bunny. What are you?" The baby skunk says, "Well, I don't know, am I a baby bunny too?"
The baby bunny says, "No, you're not a baby bunny." So the baby skunk asks, "Well, what am I then?"
The baby bunny replies, "Well, you're not exactly blank and you're not exactly white, so you must be Mexican."