Morbid Jokes

Grandma: young people your age are married by now,why aren’t you?

Me: old people your age are dead right now, why aren’t you?

"White people can't jump"...

"You must not have seen the twin towers on 9/11."

When the Lego box says 6-99 years but you eat it in 20 minutes.

what do you call a dad in the mirror?

( Your imagination )

What goes 100mph and bounces up and down? A baby tied to the back of a truck.

What do you call it when a Mexican and a pedophile fight?

Alien vs Predator.

A husband got a message from his neighbor one day. It read "Hey im sorry i had to tell you like this but i have been doing your wife for months now" The husband went to go grab his gun and shot his wife. He hid the evidence and a few hours later he got another message from his neighbor saying "Sorry meant using your wifi"

A is for Amy who fell down the stairs. B is for Basil assaulted by bears. C is for Clara who wasted away. D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh. E is for Ernest who choked on a peach. F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech. G is for George smothered under a rug. H is for Hector done in by a thug. I is for Ida who drowned in a lake. J is for James who took lye by mistake. K is for Kate who was struck with an axe. L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks. M is for Maud who was swept out to sea. N is for Neville who died of ennui. O is for Olive run through with an awl. P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl. Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire. R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire. S is for Susan who perished of fits. T is for Titus who flew into bits. U is for Una who slipped down a drain. V is for Victor squashed under a train. W is for Winnie embedded in ice. X is for Xerxes devoured by mice. Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in. Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin

why are Japanese peoples eyes so squinted.

Do you know how bright an atomic bomb is..

Best way to stop a fight between deaf people? Just turn off the Lights

How did they know that princess Diana had dandraff? , They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment...

If Martin Luther King was white, what would they call him?

Alive

I still remember my granpas last words: turn the lawn mower off!

I got sent to the principals office for lighting the kid in the wheelchair on fire and calling him hot wheels

A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man's wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said: "I have good news and bad news." The wife said: "What's the good news? "We managed to save his arm." "What's the bad news?" "We couldn't save the rest of him."